I do notice people are holding back, looking at me with questions in their mind,scared to approach me and ask me nicely. Few days went on, I chose to ignore, now weeks gone and it didn't stop. I feel the need to speak out and explain to everyone what's actually happening but really, what's the point? It's not like I'm a significant figure or something and if I do matter, any of you would have come up to me and ask me nicely.nicely.and appropriately.One does not simply ask a private question to a person in public, ladies and gents. and if I answer, you don't go bash me again, convicting me until my reasons sounded so stupid that I feel like I'm actually making up excuses and when you demand further explanation I was like 'oh what the hell~'.
So,here's some clarifications on some issues regarding me which I think some of you had already entered judgment against me. So, basically this is some sort of counter claim from me or some shit,you got me?Uh huh. I just used the legal term to make it more viable.lol.not funny?okayy
1. Oh poor you lonely, Fynn going to class all alone and all.
This is just sad.Not like sad that I'm gonna cry it's more to what the hell is wrong with your way of thinking? This sem I didn't get in the same class with Izza and Kak Long and people, it does not mean that I was left alone without any friends neither does it means I'm pitiful to the extend that several of you can come up to me and say 'kesiannya kau kena tinggal sorang' right to my face. Not that I'm saying I'm better off without them but I'm a singular not a triplets. They're my friends and we are close before and I really am thankful for the blessing of their friendships but I really hate to be seen as a person who can't live on my own without the same friends following me around campus,pursuing almost the same things for everything everyday(don't read it the wrong way). Please accept that I'm the kind of person who'd rather be friend with everyone than be close to some and remain in that same circle. It's not them,it's me. I can't conform to your norm just because it's what people have been doing. I'd love to live my life my own way, that's all. Let me walk around by myself without that 'oh kesiannya' looks in your eyes please friends.
2. So,you quit SCLC and abandoned all you friends just like that?
*smiley face* Yes, I'm a selfish bastard who puts myself first and my desires before everything else. and I'm sorry.
or if you think you're going to believe me if I say my result for last semester nearly chocked me to death so I'm afraid that I'll let my parents down again and I can't really cope with the activities(not that I don't like it) so I left SCLC entirely. Did I abandoned my friends? I left SCLC, total blackout, so things get kinda awkward between us, assumptions, things left unsaid, me not wanting to deal with it, so here we are. For those who are affected(which I doubt there are many), from the bottom of my heart I'm really sorry. I dare did this because I know, without me you guys can still do well.See, didn't I prove I'm right? ;)
Either one,your choice.
3.Bestfriends.
To clear things out, you must know who they are. First, those who I had in hometown,my primary school bff. Then, my high school bestfriends whom I do satanic things with during old jahilliah time. We got caught for not going to prep together, we've been tortured,bullied and scolded by the same seniors, we did the same things to our juniors, we witnessed creepy hostel stuffs together, we eat and sleep and shower and study for over than 5 years together. I couldn't lose them for whatever reason no matter how much we fights and hated each other. and my university friends. I got to know them during my foundation time,during the time when I think I'm all alone in this world, Allah sent them to me. But then life get in a way, they got sent to another world. We were fine until now. I want to fix this,I really do but things are hard on me these days. I can't even think straight. I don't know, keeping people around is not my expertise.
So,those who are not listed,they're not my bff. They're just friends or close friends I share secrets and passions with but not those I'll take a bullet for. Not discriminating, just stating.
*I should get everything I had going on inside my head printed on pamphlets,books or some shit because nowadays some people think I only live and be friends with the same people in the same circle. and it annoyed me at first but now it just become intolerable. It's only had been like what? 2/3 months since this semester started but it's like half life. So,more curiousity?ask,anonymously or whatever I don't mind just stop your specualtions. Do spread this around, I just wanna stop answering the same question over and over.
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