Me graduating?

Rasa macam baru semalam je aku merungut sebab kena belajar dekat uitm ni. Fresh lagi rasa kesal sebab upu macam haram masa tu. Tup tup sekarang dah nak grad dah weh. Walaupun masih bersisa 2 sem lagi tapi this is hell of a burden lift off my right shoulder! Dulu masa part 1 kemain lagi aku impress senior senior dapat masuk LLB ni. Now that I'm here, beside from feeling thankful and relief I'm extremely exhausted!

Ever since high school, I'm an insomniac. Being able to sleep early is really miraculous to me. Then LLB came along and I can barely describe how the 1 a.m. night feels like. Worst of all, I didn't get to spend time with my friends as much as before. I didn't even have time to catch up with them. I'm busy and everything is so stressful now.

So meet my firm mates. These are the people I get to work with for the next 2 semester. May luck be upon us.

ANYWAY,first degree is basically done. Now let's triple the struggle yeah!Until next time :-*

To the moon and back.

I freaking love this guy.

So glad i met him,

so grateful he's mine to keep.

Graduating!

So, I've been away for a while now or more to hiatus come to think of it,but hey this is what happen when you got into law school and decided to run a blog (please laugh). ANYWAY, finally got my examination result for the last semester of BLS,people! I am now and forever beyond thankful to Allah the Almighty for passing all the papers and somehow qualify myself to wrap up this whole BLS thingy. Although orang tengah sibuk kerah keringat siang malam study aku sempat pulak bercinta masa final exam haritu, lepas jugak Alhamdulillah. Dan memang gpa semester ni memang tahap peh fuh brrr dayyuuum punya. Nevertheless, aku redha la since usaha pun macam apa kan.

So, second class upper for BACHELOR OF LEGAL STUDIES (HONS). Soon.

p/s Don't go to law school. You've been warned.

Took a peek on the lucky side.

So yesterday I went out with this one guy. First we went for lunch to discuss about what happen on the night before. Ha, yes pingu about what you did! I am so mad that he didn't even want to get mad at you. and he said, point delivered,you're forgiven but next time do it nicely.

In the evening,we took a stroll in the park. We talk and talk,then he he said he wanted to get something from his car. Not gonna lie, I kinda expecting this so when he turned out with his guitar behind his back, I'm like "Yes,finally!". 

Because some boy once promised me that he'll play guitar for,write a song for me but that was all bull crap.

Not this guy.

He did everything he said he would.

and that kinda captured my heart.

We've known each other for not less than a month, I am so scared and embarrassed that I feel as if I've known him for life.

I don't know whether it is possible or does we even allowed to like someone in that short of a time. People keep telling me to take it slow,which is a point that we both had agreed upon but there's this sick curiosity which makes me feel eager to get to know him more,quickly and for every little time.

I pray to God if he isn't the one made for me, make it hurt less for me when the end comes knocking because getting over someone like him won't be easy at all.

So,I've been waiting for 22 years...

Going in and out of bad relationships, I started to lose faith in having any anymore.
Until a few days ago,I met a man.
A man whom I just met.
We when out twice but it feels like I've known him for years,
we connect, there's chemistry
and for the first time ever I can be myself around a prospective lover.

He plays guitar,
He plays piano,
Had me smile upon seeing his face,
He's older,wiser,matured,gentleman
and better.
much better than any other guys who I've set my heart on before.
And if I ever had a list of qualities I'm looking for in a man,he'll be rich with ticks.
He's like my doa-guy literally fall out of the sky.

But why is it,all I can think of now is 'RUN'?
I think I'm so grateful and overwhelmed by his presence in my life
that I feel like if I stick around him much longer,
my heart gonna hurt like never before,
like my world will turn upside down,
because soon when I let my guard down, he'll flee.

I've been living Ted Mosby's life.

Step up our game.

Hello people, how's it hanging yo?May peace be upon you ;) *tiru gaya anwaq hadi*

So,here's my post result ritual. I like to do this you know, it's like my personal evaluation on my performance for previous semester and at the same time,patting myself or maybe some others on the back. Okay, so truth be told, before my result was out I kind of tell myself that if my result still have no improvement, bad as usual I would reconsider law school. I'm sure a lot of law students could relate to this. Yelah, stay up all night long even sometimes tak tidur semata nak salin balik apa yg dalam text book into our own notes, ulang alik ke library sampai pagi buta, even nak keluar lepak dengan kawan pun susah tapi tengok result exam, sama je teruk macam selalu. At some point, we start to think is it me? Law ni memang bukan untuk aku ke sebab no matter how much I tried it ain't working. And for me, it started since semester 3. So, when my cgpa dropped down alley during semester 4, I said to myself "I'm gonna work my ass off, let go of everything that weighing me down and be selfish. I'll sacrifice like I never did before and if my result still the same,I'll quit law school." 

It took every courage in me to open the email sent by uitm that 15 February night. Menggeletar tangan toksah habaq la weh. First thing, terus pandang bahagian kanan sekali. LULUS semua,Alhamdulillah. Next up is pointer, masa tu memang teringat satu ayat yg kerap Allah ulang dalam surah Ar Rahman, "Maka nikmat Allah yang manakah kamu dustakan.". Alhamdulillah Allah bantu *nangis*

I didn't get dean list anyway. But it's a close call but doesn't matter, pointer never really matters to me. You can't never measure someone's effort, rezeki or intelligence based on pointers. My point is, there's a lot of improvement in my result. Almost 0.1 away from my dream. Tak reti nak gambarkan rasa bersyukur tu macam mana,sungguh. Nampak betapa luasnya kuasa Allah tu, rasa malu sangat dengan diri sendir sebab pernah meragui janji yang Maha Esa. 

To those who are like me,remember what I said? Never give up. As what Madam Nazida once said to my friend, "Hard work always pays". My tips, if you want success you need to act like you want it. If you think you've work hard enough,you don't. Before this semester, that is all what I've been thinking of. I've work hard enough, what's wrong, why it didn't works lah segala blaming fate and all. Turns out I really don't work hard enough. I think I've revised well but I only study hard during study week. Do some extra revision guys, not only during study week, it will help,trust me. Secondly, look up at your dean list friends. Be close to them, try to follow their way of life. Not only study style, lifestyle. Then take from them yang suit you, and improvise. Then, extra activities or social life. Adjust them to fix your capabilities. Me myself, I'm weak in my study and I can't really focus on different things at the same time. I've try everything I want, so last semester I set my mind up to focus only on my study. I left sclc(my club) and it left big impact on my life afterwards, people talks but you gotta do what you gotta do. Also, it might be the best if you can put relationship on pause too. I got rid of my weak spot the hard way not long ago. Berat jugak nak lepas this one rare guy who got my attention and my heart go but I can't afford that.Not now. And remember, it's not only about memorizing and excel the paper. Learn to love what you're studying. I got a solid A for that. Last but not least, the priority is, let's always return to Islam, keep Allah close to you. Afterall Allah is the one who answer our prayer,didn't He? and never doubt His generousity towards His slave. 

Some might wonder why I took this whole study thing so seriously. The answer is, my mum. You could only imagine what she been through to raise her kids, I want my success to be her's. Praise be to Allah, I made it this far I'm not gonna back down now. 

Who am I.

I believed religion teach me to treat other people nicely lillahita'ala. For the sake of Allah, not for the sake of people are going to do the same to you too. Remember that story about our beloved Prophet Muhammad pbuh where his neighbor an old lady who hated him so much? She hated Rasulullah and even dump her trashes at his door once and that I believed is only one of numerous bad things she ever done to him. Then the old lady fall sick. In this case, if we had someone who gets on our nerves every now and then watching him/her at their weakest point is some sort of delight isn't it? Like "Take that madafakaa". Ok wait, maybe like "See, that is what happen when you're messing with me,old lady". Deny it as much as you want but that's us. We love to see other people get their part. But not our Prophet. When the old lady fall sick he cook for her. He made her soup and even visit her and pray so she'd get better. That's how we roll in Islam,people. 

Ethics, adat or whatever you call it, teach us to be good to others so they'd be good to us. But what happen when we are so nice to them but they throw brick back at us? What happen when you treat a person so nicely but he/she end up disregarding all your kindness like "Yo b, you ain't do nothing for me,I'm the one who do everything for me". and what happen if you treat every one of your friends with vvip treatment but you end up getting i don't know, economic class ticket? 

22 years on this planet I went through almost every situations I've mentioned above. Whenever it happens, I feel sad,hurt and disappointed. I mean, don't you? We abide the social code, we try to be mr nice all the time and we even make sacrifices but when it's your turn to receive you just sit there like a potato. You feel like you deserve better. And for some like me, we'll feel like we're not enough. Like people don't think you're good enough, you don't have that personality to make people stick around or even be fond of you and I started to think "If you help someone who's in trouble he/she will remember you, when they're in trouble again.".

I was contemplating on how to react. Should I stop being nice or should I stop to care and be selfish because at least I don't have to expect people to appreciate me? or Should I remind myself of how the Prophet handled this and remember that everything that I long for is not exactly my purpose as a muslim? 

“Katakanlah: sesungguhnya sembahyangku, ibadatku, hidupku dan matiku hanyalah untuk Allah, Tuhan semesta alam. Tiada sekutu bagiNya; dan demikian itulah yang diperintahkan kepadaku dan aku adalah orang yang pertama-tama menyerahkan diri (kepada Allah)”. (QS. Al-An’aam: 162-163).

“Barangsiapa menghendaki kehidupan sekarang (duniawi), maka Kami segerakan baginya di dunia itu apa yang kami kehendaki bagi orang yang kami kehendaki dan Kami tentukan baginya neraka jahannam; ia akan memasukinya dalam keadaan tercela dan terusir. Dan barangsiapa yang menghendaki kehidupan akhirat dan berusaha ke arah itu dengan sungguh-sungguh sedang ia adalah mukmin, maka mereka itu adalah orang-orang yang usahanya dibalasi dengan baik.” (QS. Al-Israa’: 18-19)

Because I believed being evil is easy. Being nice is a a challenge. Someone so high like Rasulullah could be nice to people who hated him and even tried to kill him, who are we? Who am I? Let's from now onward pursue sincerity lillahitaala and doesn't matter if people don't see what you're willing to do for them because Allah see. 

Hasbunallah wa ni'mal wakil :')

Honk at king Kong for me!

It always had been my dream to travel around the world but I guess timing, willing partner(s) and money are by biggest constraints. However, Alhamdulillah one tiny opportunity popped out not long ago and I've said yes already. So, I've just receive the itinerary today. And yeah, I will be going to Hong Kong this September,InsyaAllah. My dream place to visit is definitely Europe but this is a start though. May everything goes well. Amin :)

Gay-est cake I ever make.

I know it's supposed to be coated but I ran out of cream cheese and icing sugar so...

My first rainbow cake.I like the texture tough.

Scratched that out of my to do list now :)

Birthday is overrated.

Last 19th January was my birthday and I decided not to make a big deal of it since it was at the end of my final exams period so everyone were so busy and occupied that I can't really get my hopes high in term of the celebration.Yeah. I even hide it from facebook because I see no point in being happy with all those expected wishes thanks to the Zukenberg's brain. So on that particular day, I was lucky enough to received some wishes from closed friends and a cake from dad. Um,it's pretty much the same compared to any other days, nothing special. So here is where my over-thinking brain cells come in action. I started to think to myself, what's exactly the point of celebrating birthdays?, are you obliged to get plenty of wishes from friends,pranks or some special outings, a glorious cake with your name on it, a party or such? and how about if you don't get any of these?why would you feel sad and down?. See what I mean? So here I've listed few situations that you and I could relate to.

A: " Shit it's 12 am, I need to send her a birthday wish right away! "

B: "You know guys,it's her birthday next week, what should we do?"

C: " *pandang jam* Mannn, I forgot her birthday.Nvm, I'm gonna pretend like I remember and wish her at  

     midnite and tell her I wanted to be the last. "

D: "*few days later* *text message received* *open* [Hey, did you wish her?] *yeap,you're fucked*"

E: "You know,we're not even close but hey happy birthday may god bless you i love you bla bla bla times infinity"

I once had a classmate in high school whom his family never celebrate his birthday,not for once for reason he won't tell me. So, we have this tradition nahh, more to like a practice that we'll buy a cake every month to celebrate our classmate who was born on that particular month. So when it's his month, we don't really do much just simple gathering in the class during prep malam with snacks and drinks and of course we sang the song to him and some others I can't remember.But he was happy that night.

The whole point of celebrating someone's birthday is to remind him/her that he/she is somewhat important and that his/her existence is cherish. Everybody knows that and I bet that's why when someone close to us forgot our birthday we get upset and feels as if we were let down. 

I remember not long ago when one of my housemate's birthday is coming, I get all excited so I planned the whole surprise thing with some help from my other housemates. We keep it a secret because that's the point of surprises,right? We bought cupcakes, eggs and even a gift. Idk, I just always have this urge to make someone feel special,remembered and love on their special day especially good and close friends. So when my birthday come, I had hopes which I shouldn't because I know I will be let down. I appreciate that they bought a cake for me just the fact that they had me drive to the shop and even borrowed my membership card and afterward still trying to hide it from me which is ridiculously impossible since I'm the driver so jyeahh. Despite the unexplained feeling I pretend like I didn't know till the clock struck twelve. I know I should be grateful that they're willing to do all that for me but despite it all, I was let down. Why? Because for me, if I really matters to them or if I am somewhat important to them they'll be willing to do more not just here's your cake,happy birthday,and we're done attitude. That lead me into thinking, no matter what I do, I'll never be good enough for anybody to appreciate me that high and I am proven to be not that significant.

On behalf of the people who never get to celebrate their close friends' birthday just to make sure they know that they matter and on behalf of people who forgot to send out birthday wishes to people who are important to them, I would like to apologize. Because me myself can't promise that I can be the perfect friend who remembers and has the ability of a fairy. Sometimes I have problems like family stuffs, money, time or distance so I failed to make you feel special and reminds you of how important you are to me. But from time to time I try to improvise, give out a redeem tickets or a privilege to forget my birthday in case I did forgot. And this year, one of my bestfriends seriously using that privilege so haha on me. 

Among the best of my birthday moments was this one time in high school. I sleep early with a heavy heart that night because I know nothing special is gonna happen. But I was awake to a group of shadow people singing the happy birthday song to me and handing me something soft in heart shape. I was surprised and that probably was the most decent birthday I've ever had. And one more during my foundation, when I actually give up on the whole idea of celebrating my birthday but the two of my sidekicks with their party spray can once again lighten up my world. I once again matter to some people. 

January 19,2013 I was at home not really feeling well, my cake melted and I have to put it back in the fridge myself and wait, cut my hair short which I regret a lot and I'm old and boyfriend-less. Thanks for all the wishes but no I didn't have a blast.

My 22nd sucks a big time.Not so happy birthday to me~ 

Mika, please come back.

This is Mika,my favourite pet ever.

In fact, when I look into his eyes, I've never see him as a pet, I see him as a friend.My best friend. 2 nights ago, I decided to take a short nap and let him sleep in my comforter. Oh did I mention he loves being in there? Once I tuck him in there, he'll stretched his legs out and sleep. He hated his aquarium, so that's why I always take him out of it and only put him back when I'm away or when I'm about to fall asleep. That curse night, I was just petting him and let him slide back in his comforter to sleep cuz immediately after, he seemed sound asleep. That's particularly why I didn't put him in his aquarium. Over 30 minutes later, I woke up only to find that I lost him for the second time and probably I have lost him forever.

I've search the entire house, my friends even help out but nothing. No sign of him or anything,gone. He vanished just like that.As if somebody has kidnap him or something. It has been 3 dreadful days. I'm also running out of tears and what worse is I have a killer paper to sit tomorrow. Prayed to God, done solat hajat, istikharah and everything but no luck. I realized that I shouldn't be too sad about this since everything on this earth belong to Allah and I mustn't get too attached but guess I love Mika a little bit too much now. 

I'm not sure whether to lose hope or keep on hoping that he'll come back but it's been 3 days, I'm scared he won't survive. Mika, please come back T_T

Relationship?NOT for me.

2012 menandakan (kejap nak kira) masuk 4 tahun solid aku single *insert forced smiley face*. Meaning to say, lagi 2-3 bulan aku dah boleh buat sambutan genap 5 tahun.Hip hip hooray!

Tau apa yg paling sad when you are boyfriend-less? It's every time you meet new people and they decided to ask you about your non existence boyfriend and when you replied 'I don't have one,' they laugh in disbelief and accuse you of lying. Every time that happen I really really want to punch them in the face.I'm 21 you asshole, I don't keep my status a secret like a highschooler. Tau what is the next sad thing when you are boyfriend-less? It's when you gather with your best friends and everyone of them is in a relationship and they show you pictures, share relationship tips behind your back and even non stop texting or calling around you. That's like rubbing dirt on your wound. and those are just 40 percent of what I had to deal with everyday in my single life as a 21 years old.

Sampai at one point of my life, I started to think what is wrong with me? Sebab almost everyone at this age is already taken or at least have met someone they like or like them back but not me.Okay,this is not supposed to be a sad,pity seeking post but why the hell my eyes are all watery?

So I look at myself and come out with few reasoning. First, I think it was my face. But that could not be it since even someone uglier than me could score more than 1 boyfriends. and I manage to get some head turns sometimes and that shameless annoying 'phewwit' sounds. And I have someone said to my face that I'm pretty(this is not bragging its for making myself feel better). So,not it.

My problem is,when a guy like me I don't always like him back. Like this one guy I'm holding as baggage, named Mr M.He's alright,I guess?But the spark is not there.I know people say the sparks are just made up story and stupid but for me,the chemistry is everything. You could have a perfect guy standing before your eyes but when you both talk and there's no connection between you, sekaya mana, sekacak mana pun tak pandang punya.kan?

Another problem is, when I've finally found a guy who likes me and we got that sparks and all, at some point, he started to retreat. You can see that he obviously notice that you want him but keep you guessing and waiting. This kind of guy? if he isn't shy he is not a keeper. Why? While keeping you waiting, he actually surveying another girl in case he'll stumble upon someone who is better than you. and being a second choice or a paking spare part is not included in my tolerance kit.

I've watch my friends yang in relationships semua and I hate it what they've become. Ikut every words yg their boyfriend said, can't even berenggang to spend time with friends and being all cheesy all the time. Not to my interest. Well, I know those are pretty normal if you're head over heels over some dude but I can't afford that.I don't want to be that.

I remembered making doa to God not to meet me with my soulmate till I'm ready. Chances are, He heard me. At times, I wish I could undo the doa but most of the time I'm glad if it was really granted.Why?

Because I'm one of the foolish girls who would give everything when I'm in a relationship. Being with someone we love will make us better in every way like when you have a boyfriend you might do well in your study since you're always happy but not me. I'm the type of girl that if I'm in a relationship, I started to ignore everything, be bad at everything because all I could think of is that person. A love life would ruin the rest of my life. I guess there is people who was born to be alone. Because I have to choose. How could I sacrifice everything for unsure love? I can't.

"Nevermind, maybe you haven't met the one yet" is what I've been hearing setiap kali aku mengadu about not having one. Yes, tak salah alasan tu,but bagi aku if it's correct why aku tak feel better? Feel me,bruh? When you give an advice, you're suppose to include 'it's alright' feels to it and provide encouragement words plus some hope. See,simple.

So,I told myself it is something that is true and will happen.just not to me. Things will happen,but not to me. I set my standard to damn high because I strongly believe I worth that much and I won't ever settle for less,won't ever. Even if it's mean I have to live alone all my life,so be it.

From the bottom of my heart.

This is for the people who make this semester the shit-test ever so far.

For making it hard on me,

for messing with my life,

for making me suffer for your mistakes,
for using me,
for your ugly double faced,

for making me the bad guy,

and most of all

for every oxygen you breathe,

well you know what?

FUCK YOU.

I hope you'll get hit by a plane,cunts.

Go away,my never lover.

I should have done this post a year ago when I first got to know you,when I was madly in love with you. Now, things are messy, I can't undo the feeling I had for you, I can't undo bad choices I've made, I can't erase all the memories I had and I can't move forward either. Remember that one time I didn't pick up your calls anymore?I ignored your texts but you never ask why. That was me trying to put everything off between us because  finally I have fallen for you.Fallen for a guy who keeps toying with my feeling, making me think that finally here come some dude who thinks I'm pretty enough,I'm fun enough,despite my friends telling me how unworthy of me to be loved. Despite it all, you gave me hope, you had me let my guard off, got me doing everything just to make sure that you'll see I'll make a great girlfriend for you. I even went out late at night to help you so you'd know I'll be there during hard times. But after a while, I think to myself,where is this going? I'd like to assume that you like me since you've ask my phone number and even told me that you're flirting with me. But I guess you don't like me enough to even ask me on a date. The problem is, you keeps on texting me everyday, calling me most nights and that made me feel uneasy. I'm one old fashioned girl,so according to what we were doing back then, normal friends just don't do that. I tried all the silly trick us girls are familiar with like trying to make you jealous, trying to make you feel like if you don't get me fast enough some other man would and the result is negative. According to logic, I should have flew away by then but you keep pulling me back with your sweet words and vague promises. So one day, I come up with a conclusion that you just want to keep me around until you find someone better, or I'm just an option for you or you wanted to make me your girl but I'm just not pretty enough or that I didn't get the approval from your friends. Whatever it is, I know it's time to leave since I can't do anything without you popping into my mind and got me sad. I was depressed,even more depressed during the phrase when I ignored your calls,texts and all. But I manage to get through. Like for a while, I manage to forget you and all the feelings I had for you. I could talk to you like we're friends. Like all the feelings I had for you is gone and I was happy. Until few weeks ago,you decided to call me again. then we talked and I fall in love with you again. You made promises like taking me to your home, wanting to see me again, saying I'm pretty and everything. How could my heart tell you no?How? All I wanted to hear is 'Fynn,I like you and I want you to be mine'. That is all but nothing. You keep me guessing again, you make me confused all over again. I'm sorry but this is not a relationship I want. You should be fine without me considering the amount of girls you're flirting with on twitter and facebook,you'll be alright not bothering me anymore,right? I shut you off once and you came back now I really really want you to go.and please I'm begging you don't ever come back again.

Loving him is like driving a new Maserati down a dead end street

Faster than the wind

Passionate as sin, ended so suddenly

Loving him is like trying to change your mind

Once you’re already flying through the free fall

Like the colors in autumn

So bright just before they lose it all

Mika the hedgehog!

He's cute, he's adorable, he's cuddly and I love him to death.

Beauty or beast?

I'm so insecure with my looks that whenever anyone compliment me by saying I'm cute or pretty I think they've got a wrong person or they were lying.

The book of Fynn.

I do notice people are holding back, looking at me with questions in their mind,scared to approach me and ask me nicely. Few days went on, I chose to ignore, now weeks gone and it didn't stop. I feel the need to speak out and explain to everyone what's actually happening but really, what's the point? It's not like I'm a significant figure or something and if I do matter, any of you would have come up to me and ask me nicely.nicely.and appropriately.One does not simply ask a private question to a person in public, ladies and gents. and if I answer, you don't go bash me again, convicting me until my reasons sounded so stupid that I feel like I'm actually making up excuses and when you demand further explanation I was like 'oh what the hell~'.

So,here's some clarifications on some issues regarding me which I think some of you had already entered judgment against me. So, basically this is some sort of counter claim from me or some shit,you got me?Uh huh. I just used the legal term to make it more viable.lol.not funny?okayy

1. Oh poor you lonely, Fynn going to class all alone and all.

This is just sad.Not like sad that I'm gonna cry it's more to what the hell is wrong with your way of thinking? This sem I didn't get in the same class with Izza and Kak Long and people, it does not mean that I was left alone without any friends neither does it means I'm pitiful to the extend that several of you can come up to me and say 'kesiannya kau kena tinggal sorang' right to my face. Not that I'm saying I'm better off without them but I'm a singular not a triplets. They're my friends and we are close before and I really am thankful for the blessing of their friendships but I really hate to be seen as a person who can't live on my own without the same friends following me around campus,pursuing almost the same things for everything everyday(don't read it the wrong way). Please accept that I'm the kind of person who'd rather be friend with everyone than be close to some and remain in that same circle. It's not them,it's me. I can't conform to your norm just because it's what people have been doing. I'd love to live my life my own way, that's all. Let me walk around by myself without that 'oh kesiannya' looks in your eyes please friends.

2. So,you quit SCLC and abandoned all you friends just like that?

*smiley face* Yes, I'm a selfish bastard who puts myself first and my desires before everything else. and I'm sorry.

or if you think you're going to believe me if I say my result for last semester nearly chocked me to death so I'm afraid that I'll let my parents down again and I can't really cope with the activities(not that I don't like it) so I left SCLC entirely. Did I abandoned my friends? I left SCLC, total blackout, so things get kinda awkward between us, assumptions, things left unsaid, me not wanting to deal with it, so here we are. For those who are affected(which I doubt there are many), from the bottom of my heart I'm really sorry. I dare did this because I know, without me you guys can still do well.See, didn't I prove I'm right? ;)

Either one,your choice.

3.Bestfriends.

To clear things out, you must know who they are. First, those who I had in hometown,my primary school bff. Then, my high school bestfriends whom I do satanic things with during old jahilliah time. We got caught for not going to prep together, we've been tortured,bullied and scolded by the same seniors, we did the same things to our juniors, we witnessed creepy hostel stuffs together, we eat and sleep and shower and study for over than 5 years together. I couldn't lose them for whatever reason no matter how much we fights and hated each other. and my university friends. I got to know them during my foundation time,during the time when I think I'm all alone in this world, Allah sent them to me. But then life get in a way, they got sent to another world. We were fine until now. I want to fix this,I really do but things are hard on me these days. I can't even think straight. I don't know, keeping people around is not my expertise.

So,those who are not listed,they're not my bff. They're just friends or close friends I share secrets and passions with but not those I'll take a bullet for. Not discriminating, just stating.

*I should get everything I had going on inside my head printed on pamphlets,books or some shit because nowadays some people think I only live and be friends with the same people in the same circle. and it annoyed me at first but now it just become intolerable. It's only had been like what? 2/3 months since this semester started but it's like half life. So,more curiousity?ask,anonymously or whatever I don't mind just stop your specualtions. Do spread this around, I just wanna stop answering the same question over and over.

The only sense that I could make

If I never get back to you anymore,

If I don't bother to explain anything any longer,

If you said I've changed.

Lumos!

As you can see,I now have my new header on and I'm ecstatic to start writing again. It's been a while and I really miss being here talking to myself and all. Even though I'll be on my semester break till September but at the same time, I have to do my attachment at the court near my hometown for the whole month. It only had been three days and I can assure you that August gonna be vain. But one of my classmates already do the math and seems like I only have to work for 18 days? Which means, another 15 hellalicious days to go.*tying the noose*.I'd be willing to surrender merdeka celebration or even raya so long as I don't have to go back to that boring place ever again.

Good news!I've got myself a new catgriff. What is that? Half cat, half hippogriff. Introducinggg *skrillex blender sounds* Foxy! because Buckbeads is only for those with the wings. (don't get it?it's HarryPotter joke)

Anyway,what'd you think of the new header?Cool,huh?What,gimme some credit.I spent two days playing dummy at photoshopping for that. It's basically about me berangan to be a batgirl slash badgirl from time to time. Batman and Robin? They're just jealous. Also, the results are out andddd I don't wanna talk about it. So,until then.

SELAMAT BERPUASA :)