To the moon and back.

I freaking love this guy.

So glad i met him,

so grateful he's mine to keep.

Same old shit.

Before this, I was okay though I keep on complaining every now and then about not having a boyfriend or keeping my single friends from getting into a relationship so they won't leave me forever alone. But I was okay. Kinda close to perfectly fine and  near to the corner of comfort. But the thing is I was okay. and to be able to say I was okay is priceless and now something somehow starting to bother me. If it was another girl, this is supposed to be all sweet and dovey-shit but I ain't another girl. My stupid insecurities, mad paranoia and every inch of my nebula-sized mess is going up against me. Even the slightest move can ruins everything. Absolutely everything. 

I always hate this part of me, the weak part of me. GOD,Fynn you're being such pain in the ass right now. Please please,you can stop reading by now. Because I had a vision that I'm about to blurt everything out like moron anytime soon. Excuse my insensitivity about having some privacy or whatever society tends to judge these days. I tried talking to friends but it's not working. Not that I don't trust them but me,constantly talking about this trying to find out what to do,how to do and everything just scared my sanity away. Their positive advises and sky-high motivation is not what I crave for. I want reality, I want support system that will tell me to stop and to give up that funny thing called hope. Or try make things right. or at least, lead my mind back to its old place. Where I believe, it belongs.

Maybe I'm just scared that for once there is actually people who wants to be with me. Scared that maybe there is actually someone who would love me. Because the idea of someone liking me is too scary that I came out with billions of mind-killing excuses in order to walk away. I over analyze things too much. I'm just afraid to let my guard down. I can't because once I rest my shield, he'll leave. People always leave.

I need more. I need him to prove me trust. and determination. which I can say,too vague at the moment. 

Hati aku tak reti macam ni.

Dari semalam, aku perasan ada satu note di facebook yang tajuk nya

"Kesatlah air matamu wahai wanita"

*mengeluh panjang*

Mulanya malas nak kisah.

Malas nak baca.

*jari gatal meng-klik*

Dalam hati bingung,orang tulis pasal couple haram lagi kah?

Benda hukum yang aku sendiri tak pasti.

Yang ramai orang tahu,

yang orang kecam,

yang sikit sangat terima.

yang uztad cakap "bertenek".

Hilarius sungguh.

Rupanya tentang seorang isteri,

membenarkan isteri kedua.

Aku yang baca ni hati luluh,sakit,pedih.

yang rasa macam mana?

aku tak suka poligami.

aku tak boleh terima hakikat lelaki mampu memnyayangi 2 perempuan pada satu masa.

Kuat cemburu aku tahap dewa.

Nak dapat yang satu tu pun susah,

nak kongsi sama sama?

Lelaki,

suka,aku tahu.

Sengaja atau tak sengaja.

Nawaitu,

jangan komen pada aku,tolong?

Perempuan,

setengah redha.

yang lain macam aku lah.

It's something good that I didn't feel good about.

Kalau kau fahamlah apa aku songeh kan.

Sila jangan biar aku.

Betul ke payung emas itu?

Yang adam selalu canangkan.

Aku lima puluh peratus.

Hati aku tak reti macam ni.

Betul,

;')

A bf gave a challenge to his gf to live a day without him. No communications at all and said if she passed it, he'll love her forever. The gf agreed. She did not text or call him the whole day. Without knowing that her bf has only 24 hours to live because he's suffering from cancer. She excitedly went to her bf's house the next day. Tears fall as she saw her bf lying on the coffin with a note on the side : 

"you did it baby, can you do it everyday? I love you <3"

Listen,

First, yes Beyonce did inspired me for the tittle.

Second, i don't really expect anyone would read this (yes of course,except for my life time stalkers), sebab 

*sigh*

Thirdly,don't bother ring my parents or 999.

yah, whatever!

People usually becoming this wretched when it's Monday but as for me, everyday is Monday! Guess what? No doubt i'm in a very suicidal mood right now. Believe it or not, each of us had at least once in your entire life feeling like killing yourself. That's sure is a fact!... that i've just made up.HAHA. Shamelessly speaking, i have tried so many 'tricks' back then. Cutting off wrists, stabbing myself with broken bottles (in the stomach area on a weird-paddy fields'-machine), holding my breath (this one deserved a LOL), summoned demons (oh,this one too!), and everything else a teenage girl could ever done. Seems like i failed quite a lot,huh? Ouh,Ouh! i suddenly curious of how can i kill myself painlessly!!! O,Mr. Google...Help me out here,please?

Mr. Google just gave me links to websites of "Ways of committing suicide painlessly " 

And i thought i was the only one.

Well, mostly suggesting drugs, carbon monoxide inhaling, shot in the head, you know, those stuff i couldn't afford to. Guess, God wanna keep me around a little longer.pffttt.

People always goes around saying:

Oh,Fynn,she's a strong girl,demonic,heartless,and persistent.

Laugh out most of the time,

Of course she's doing fine,why bother ask?

  Having this darkest secret which i never tell any living things on earth buried in my chest is like having an invisible arrow shot and stuck on my heart,...or liver.I don't know...

I desperately needs to let it out, but my guess is nobody's listen.

No one wouldn't want to.

I've been judged all the time,

not to mention the on-going misinterpretations,

desertions.

To top these up, yet another so called catastrophe is bugging me.

Not that i've decided to be a lesbo or such but when you're nineteen and you are still spouse-less, everyone around you will start poking their nose in our personals!

Asking me suspicious and yet tricky questions,

Throwing me smirks and speculations,

Making stupid conclusions.

God, even my mum!

She's been nagging for all my life and i don't think she'll ever stop.

You see, i'm just not the kind of girl moms would want to have.

I do things my way,

I hate being told what to do,

I'm rebellious.

Nevermind, i can't blame her.

Your life is empty,you don't have this, you don't have that, you don't even have a boyfriend.

Curse it. WHY?

I've been dealing with this for the toughest three years of my life but when i'm least expected, those homosapiens who thinks they have the right to bug with my relationship status bring it up straight to my poker face.

It hits me hard,indeed it did.

Tell me,

Which girl at my age don't want to have a super charming boy head over heels on her?

To have that someone that she could think he is her soulmate?

Having pictures all over facebook, changing the status and gets people jealous or either clicking the 'like' button?

just by thinking of these tempts me.

But who am i?

to ever defy the fact that,this bastard i've been waiting for is going to be late?

the fact that boys nowaday are hard to believe?

the fact that:

none is interested.

none catches my eyes.

i got much more to think of rather than this.

me not being pretty,girly,attractive,and fit enough.

well,at least these i can come up with for now.

So i came up with these ;

they did a very good job indeed, as distraction tools.

some said i'm desperate,

some said i'm obsess,

some laugh and even impress.

funny though that some even believe it.

says you!

as for me, i created some delusion, with some-some of hallucination of me loving those top stars so that i won't bother looking for boys.

Surprisingly, it works!

the problem is, i'm spending too much time online.

pathetic!

Take me away,

i needs a getaway...

I hate my high school friends,i really do.

ThankGod some of them is still trustworthy.

Up until now, i've been worrying about tolerating,being considered,

but i'm done being nice!

In the end,i'll be treated like trash anyways.

Toss around.Deserted.Forgotten.

Why is it i'm so messed up?

I'm beginning to think that there's something wrong with me.

well, i figured it quite a long time ago.

Now,come to think of it,my mum is right,

My life does empty.

I've heard it somewhere,

Before we were born, 

We had been shown of how our life going to be if we choose to live,

all the ups and downs of life which lays ahead.

Then,we decide to be born or not.

I seriously don't get it why i said YES.

Would it be different if there's no me?

HAHA!wow.tahniahlah to whom yang willing to read this far.

It's either you really care for me that much, just can't get enough poking around my life, the needs of stalking or you really are listening.Forget it.No worries, i just wrote this as a practice. You know, i'm thinking of being a novelist.yahh,right~

Who wrote this?!

You're LATE.

Awak tinggal saya lama sangat ;(

saya sayang awak sangat-sangat.

betul,tak tipu...

dah nak setahun kita bersama,harungi suka duka.

you are my entertainment,

you are my laughter, 

you mean everything to me!

tapi,awak tinggal saya lama sangat.

dah lama awak tak nyanyi untuk saya macam dulu.

tak lama awak tak buat saya ketawa macam dulu,

dalam kerinduan saya pada awak, 

saya bertemu dengan si dia...

ternyata dia dan awak banyak persamaan!

suara,senyuman,ketawanya...oh!

sorry,

tapi,Tabi oppa, i think i'm falling for Jang Geun Seok oppa!

i will still love u on # 1!

but here come my new love^^

my brightest star :)

Saranghae yo,oppa!

I'm your favorite HELLO,

but your SIMPLEST goodbye...

i hate it when guys cheated!

i hate it when they take girls for granted!

HEARTLESS!

yesterday, a friend of mine got dumped by a very nasty sex maniac man.

i told her;

GREAT,girl.he don't deserve u,anyways.

think of it this way;

"You're at least one man closer to Mr.Right."

*sigh*

i gave her false hope.

a hope to have a dream.

though i knew,

dreams are BULLSHIT.

a poem for all my heartbroken people;

Now I know.
My heart is broken.
But I can’t let you know that.
Nor can I let you go.
At random parts of the day I start shaking
From the tears…that you left me

People gave me hope
People gave me doubt.

I feel like an idiot,
To let my heart break.
To entrust it in a guy hands.
When I know…multiple guys that have
Shattered
Ripped
Torn open
Other women’s hearts.
My uncles.
My father.
And yet I still entrusted you with that masterpiece
The one I created from scratch.
I am pathetic.

If i have learned something it is beacuse i have never given up.

I have seen all of my dreams fall before my eyes, but I did not bend over to pick them up. 

I began searching for new ones.

Perampas boyfriend orang,kejam tak?

So,apa pandangan korang pada manusia-manusia perampas ni?

kuang jaqqqq!

keji?

kejam?

tahi?

cool?LOL

well,save it.

why?

hoih!menatang puteh gedik!dok diam-diam!

sebab,frankly,honestly,

aku rasa macam nak rampas boyfriend orang,lah!!!!

Dari dulu aku tengok status dia kat facebook,

wahhh!sangat devoted and sayang kat girlfriendnya...

sangat jealous!

sebab,to me, lelaki susah nak committed,

but, somehow i could tell yang he is such a great man.

lately,,,,

i saw his page,status and all....

they seem to be having a fight!

jahat ke,kalau aku rasa this is the best time untuk bertindak?

uhhh...kejinya aku!

tapi...

i don't know!!!

everytime im thinking of doing such sin,

i'll tell myself;

don't Fynn,nanti tuhan balas! kesian tat girl...

dalam hati?

please lah...break!break!break!

keji?

walau apapun, hati aku tetap milik seorang :)

Tabi oppa!

i love u lah,sayang!

my personal favorite sun ♥

p.s. :women out there,sila hargai bf anda,if x,i culik!

According to U! :)

OMG! i'm so freaking addicted to this song~
seriously,according to u...

According to you
I'm stupid,
I'm useless,
I can't do anything right.
According to you
I'm difficult,
hard to please,
forever changing my mind.
I'm a mess in a dress,
can't show up on time,
even if it would save my life.
According to you. According to you.

But according to him
I'm beautiful,
incredible,
he can't get me out of his head.
According to him
I'm funny,
irresistible,
everything he ever wanted.
Everything is opposite,
I don't feel like stopping it,
so baby tell me what I got to lose.
He's into me for everything I'm not,
according to you.

According to you
I'm boring,
I'm moody,
you can't take me any place.
According to you
I suck at telling jokes cause I always give it away.
I'm the girl with the worst attention span;
you're the boy who puts up with that.
According to you. According to you.

But according to him
I'm beautiful,
incredible,
he can't get me out of his head.
According to him
I'm funny,
irresistible,
everything he ever wanted.
Everything is opposite,
I don't feel like stopping it,
so baby tell me what I got to lose.
He's into me for everything I'm not,
according to you.

I need to feel appreciated,
like I'm not hated. oh-- no--.
Why can't you see me through his eyes?
It's too bad you're making me decide.

According to me
you're stupid,
you're useless,
you can't do anything right.
But according to him
I'm beautiful,
incredible,
he can't get me out of his head.
According to him
I'm funny,
irresistible,
everything he ever wanted.
Everything is opposite,
I don't feel like stopping it,
baby tell me what I got to lose.
He's into me for everything I'm not,
according to you. [you, you]
According to you. [you, you]

According to you
I'm stupid,
I'm useless,
I can't do anything right.



sebab aku sangattttt baek hati,to whom yang haven't heard of tis song,here ; i got u the link to download the song!

According To You!

17 July 2017,be there!

17/07/17

wondering what's with the date?

got it?
yessss,my superduper FUTURE wedding ♥

ahaha!i know,lepas ni confirm kena bahan dengan budak kelas aku pasal nih, but nevermind...
dah memang tersangat kering idea untuk blogging!
so,teringat pasal planning aku ni,and i think it will be great if i could share it with u guys!
haha...how's that?*winks

shall we start with the jewellerIES? *grin

asal orang kahwin kan,sure pakai cincin,cincin,cincin...tak pon, gelang,right?
therefore,i want some changes! i demand for a necklace!
white gold with some diamonds on it will make it (;
p/s: im allergic to EMAS,white,xpe...lalalala

ouh,but that doesn't mean that rings are crossed out,okay?

which one is better,ay?

♥ u laa,my hubby to be!*winks


and the dress???

at first,i thought this will do,

but then,FYNN,ko orang Islam ke tak nih!!!
haila...haila...
so,i came out with these,instead ;

lawakan....
uhhh...rasa macam nak kahwin besok je!
purple untuk wedding at mine and gold at his!
SIMPLE.
2 is more than enough (:
i don't care,nanti, i nak exactly macam nih!
kalau tak,tak nak kahwin...hahaha

and,of course,
save the best for the last!
my pelamins....

how was it?

nice,huhhh?

i bet i did give some of u the feeling of early planning too,kan?*winks

not that aku gatai tak sabaq nak kahwin,its just i love to plan,

and i like everything's well organised~

and,,,otak aku memang selalu fikir jauh ke depan.

lalalala~

2017

by the time,i dah 27...

InsyaAllah dah settle chambering dah...

so,keeps your fingers crossed,

lepas  ni, tak payah susah buat kad dah,

repost saje!HAHA

*tolong amin kan...

I've learnt my lessons,YOU?

Anyway,hey!mostly,i've seen lots of bloggers suda mule buat conclusion of their first sem n etc.well,mine?it's gonna have to wait.i'll write after the final.well,sure its gonna be LONG!haha.ok,lets move on~

the truth is,i've been thinking lately of what im going to write.should i continuously write spiteful words of the unsatisfied heart of mine or should i bare with it.i've been thinking also,will things gonna keeps getting better.or worst?idk.its hard for me to even think about it.and,like i said.no one will even care if im in such a misery.prove= everyone starting to avoid me these recent days.but,thats ok.i know that'll happen.so,now im better.laughing and pretending all those problems had solves,they're around.ONCE AGAIN.for what,idk.well,its not important anyways.

thats one thing.another thing is that,people keep telling me write short.what the heck???i didn't even pay rents to own this site.instead its free and its totally mine.suka hati laa aku maw tulis panjang ka,pendek ka.well, yes.its bored.so,why read?ouh!maybe for u to annoy me and constantly messing with my life?do what ever u want.i-will-not-give-

a-damn!maybe i got few followers not like some of my friends who got plenty.followers who keep

give out comments and so ever.true,but again,come on!this is not a junk or a cheap blog yang

asyik nak puji-pujian je(im so not pointing at any blogger whom i know.).i write to

express.well,that is me.u got problem with that?

haha.u can lie to me.i know,those people read my blog.same goes to u.prove?habes,yg out of a sudden kwn2 yg aku lamer xkontek pon tetibe tawu jeh sumer psl recent life aku,cmne?

yg everytime i post new entries,there will be phone call or mesages asking for details...when i ask,how did u find out???"aku bace blog hang."see?

n,about my so called agony.at first,i thought i wil keep on smpan dendam and treat them justifyly equal.haha,apekah?then i go on thinking.i should not fight fire with fire.well,they will forget us when they are happy.but when they're sad,they'll come back to

u.so,takpe lah kawan-kawan,up to u.im a sincere friend.i don't love hoping for something in return.i don't care for u just for u to notice me.and,i dont pat u on ur back for u to remember me.im just an ordinary friend who is hoping to make real friends.so,let it be lah.if i were to be the kind of friend who u'll be needing in times of need,let it be.maybe its the best for me.

apepun,thanx sbb ajr aku jadi tabah :)

and,to my besties of Syed Putra.i miss all u.aku syg korg.i miss living with u guys.frankly,korg lah kwn plg nobel penah aku jumpe.kat sinih,baru aku atwu erti persahabatn yg sebanar.sorry if i ever take u guys fer granted.hopefuly aku dpt get out og this uitm asap n be with u guys di UIA or UKM or UM nnt ;p

p/s : kawan sytra,aku sgt sayanggg korg :)

Ready.Set.DON'T go!

yep,u got it right.its a song.haha.no worries,i won't write a song review,not today.however,incase u don't know,the song is sang by miley cyrus(i love this girl like f**king crazyyy) and his dad,billy ray cyrus.its about how a dad is not willing to let her favourite daughter go but yet he have to.cus its time.OMG!OMG!*the tears are coming out!*its an old song but then i just heard it and...i remembered about my dad.ouh,i MISS him so much.sayang ayah...its been months since i last seen him.the last time when i went back,i didn't have the chance to spend time with him cus,he's a busy man.and the break is like few days!and i don't have the chance to kiss his hand before i got here.well,thi shaunt

me up until now!

haha.back then,i was my dad's favourite!hehe.when my mum force me to take medicine,i ran away like a chicken around the house.but then,dad brought me to the nearest shop and got me candies and soda.i don't know how,but he manage to get me to eat those so-called syrup!eeeeuuuw!kijammmm ayah :) now,not anymore.not after my lil sis was born.he just see me as a grown up girl who dont need him to treat me with candies and soda in order to make me take those nasty pills.guess,mum catch me this time around.

this might mean nothing to u,but it mean everything to me.i love my dad like so dayyym much.i miss him!i wanna go back home again.go for picnik or pretend to be sick(this tactic is so stone age,huhh?). i miss being on his old motorcycle and go to the shop and bought candies.my god,i wanna turn back time.however,i know i have to be patient,waiting for the time to go home.huhhh,its been months....hate this feeling!*shrug*so,for those whos homey is near,stop whinning about nak balek every single weekend or so ever.u gotta have to be me to know how i do i feel everytime u said,"tak best-nya this week x bleh balek rumah"

this lady is missing her DAD xoxo

My Furry Passion!

Guess where i am at now?stuck in mawar!nice

guesses!*sigh*haha.fine,im just having this geram-dan-dengki-orang-lain-sumer-balek clouds around my head.looks like its going to rain soon.(not literally)so,as i was dayyyym bored,i think that it will be such a great idea to waste my precious little time on mukabuku(facebook).haha.i just love to take those quizez provided and pretend as if they were telling me the truth.yes,a side

which i let people tossing me around and i can live in my lalala land!(at least for some hours)i just love to fantasize!(of course,in a good way ;p)

so,after sorting some silly quizes,i end up taking the "IF YOU WEREN'T A HUMAN,WHAT WOULD YOU BE?"yeah,why on earth am i taking this?*knock my head hard*ok,it doesn't matter anymore,as long as im happy with it.am i?sheeesss.stop it already lar,babe!okok.and the

result is....*drumroll*

a CAT!!!im so lovin' it!(i've announce it to my roommates.poyo.n not to forget,i blog about i

t too!!!)its got nothing to do with the description.i just wish to be a kitty.i always does(i didn't pray for it,larhhh!haha).i own this weird feeling which i call PASSION towards cats since forever!to your surprise,everytime i saw this fluffy little guy,i would rather run to them to say "Hi" or shouting LOUDLY from as far as i stand "Nyiawww!"(do pronounce it,correctly.don't hurts my feelin').What worst,if i were to meet the undenyably cute one,bare with me.cus,if im near my home i'll bring it back home or instead,i will have to take few minutes or probably hours to accept the fact that i am a NORMAL human being.there you go,im FREAKing you.out,huhh?!gesssshhh.truth be told,im a little bit upset with my classmates as they call one of my friend by 'miawww'.really.so,whats the big D?hoho.its just,back then in school,the title is given to me,as i deserve it more than anyone else*sigh*so...u got me,alright,kan?P.S. dont let my classmate find out about this,okay?im getting myself used to it.this no longer my school.*blurr*

so,here's some pics of this awesome creature around mawar ;p

i gave up.you win,SILLY!

to begin,let's just assume that tommorow's test which will gave me up to 15% of the marks seems to be LESS important than this stupid non-stop issues.again,hell yes.i'm going to waste my precious little time writing about something that will never ever going to change unless its the end of the world, which i called, BOYS~huhhh!sigh,sigh and sigh..ouh!shit!i was trying to get my head in the yellow plastic cover book which by all mean act as an introduction to the course that i'm taking,but this thing bother me enough till my eyes keep sticking like they had been glued by a super duper glue to this stupid screen of my lappy.What gets my anger rise so high until i cant stop myself from cursing in every single lines that i've wrote?urghhhh!this time,i ain't gonna lie,truely,sincerely from the bottom of my heart and inner believe,i will never ever,ever and ever fall for boys, their stupid dramas, and stupid lies AGAIN!remind me if i do.please,mankind,if u were to object me with all of your great thought and so-called back ups of your kind,read throuh the whole CURSING essay first,will you?however,do remember, this page is totally mine.so,i talk,u read.u comment,i approve(only if i think the comment is made by a homosapien whos with brain c:).but,no worries, i won't bite :)

uhhh,its 2am already!im going to finish this real fast.the first man(if u're a man at all!) who drive me insane is a guy who call himself a saviour.a so-called saviour.pretty much the same like people who got super powers in movies which i think is completely RIDICULOUS.the same goes with this man.at first,he is gosh! ,i mean,i even thought he was incredibly man enough to own that little something every women were searching around like stupid for in man.(i wont tell u what it is.pay me a thousand dollars check,then only i'll spill it out!lol)he was a total angel!to act like a real hero in the middle of a huge dillemma,for being protective in the layer of promises(which i think,the hardest thing for a man to keep.),but as soon as the REAL situation appear in front of his eyes,guess who is running around like a big fat juicy CHICKEN??!not even a footstep remain.what's funny and keeps us(me and friends) laughing is that,that pathetic little chicky is after a beauty queen(of kharzastan,huhh?) and then only i realise,for the first time ever in my whole life,a man becoming a nobel SNOB!which i think is cute,don't u think so?haha.congratulation,i hate u!

next,is a story about a guy who seems to think that he is the greatest of all!haha.what the hell does he have in mind?being on the same level as me doesn't prove anything,dumbass.or being positioned of the head of an organization of member less than twenty,i mean...come on!u need to do better to impress me,GAY!haha.and,for being a biatch(of course as representative of your sex,be proud,hunny!its another position!lmao)and act like a slutty guy and walk around me pretending not knowing me based on the fact that im not in the rank of higher than you(forgive me,your highness) will not hurt a sacret heart,think again!i am not you!yes,maybe you feel stupid or think that you'll look even stupid to be seen talking to me...but,dont you think that when i spread good info about you around,you'll look even STUPIDER?haha.im sorry to hurt you.maybe,other see you wearing a halo and fly with a pair of white wings but to me,those all are only exist in fairy tale.em,really,does a grown up man like u,still fantasize of marrying cinderella???haha.okies,none of my bussiness.huhhh,i wont say that i regret meeting you or either making friend with you,but if were to choose between you and a geeky,nerdy,clumsy,stupid and ugly bitch,u know which will i choose ;p

the third case is the one that pissed me off the most.when its a crime involving heart,stay out of my reach.or i'll hate you forever for as long as i breathe!GIRLS,READ THIS.how would you feel when i man seem to have the same interest as yours?(hell yes,i didn't mean shopping.they don't do that,larr dearest.)i know.SWEET!then,when both of you found out,the relationship keeps on improving.no,not close to the favourite phase yet...by the time,most girls will think that he might be the one your looking for,right?you felt relief that u can stop messing with the wrong guy,FINALLY.by his doing you can tell that he is really into you and going to get on you.to flirt,to be simple.and deep down under,the flowers in the so-called garden is blooming in the middle of fall.yeah,don't deny it.here come the heartbreaking part...as when you're about to surrender your heart and soul to that guy(who i call stupid foolish dumbass),you found out that you're not the only one in the whole wide world who's receiving the five star-hotel service.EXPECTED.your heart is crashing down a bit,huhh?wait untill you see with your own widely-open eyes!he was treating every single girls he seem to meet like a princess(it hurts me cus i am a true PRINCESS,not them!).IN FRONT OF YOUR VERY OWN EYES.(no,i don't wear lenses.)to make it worst,he was still trying to steal your attention and flirting with you,huhhh?i mean,what the f**k!one word,DESPERATE!OMG.i still can't believe this.back to reality.hey,silly,you would never have any chances on me for the rest of your life(of troubling me).stop acting nice.stop your hipocricity.haven't i mention how dreadly i hate playboys,before?or,you're eager enough to see experience an euthanasia made by me?keep a huge,(more than thousand miles)distance from me as u don't want me to puke on your fucking shirt.AND.stay out of my face,PRETENDERS!forever.

thanks for your time,im DONE.
p/s:i'm looking for the best anger-management classes :)

monolog aku :)

aku RINDU waktu dulu...

aku RINDU buli budak nihhh...

aku RINDU rindu rinduuu dulu...

IPGM..its HEAVY!

Im torn between two...damn!!!oh my godness...today,26 June 2009,i found out that result of institut perguruan malaysia is out!!!Syu is the one who told me about this.They have checked it through sms.Two of my classmate made it.its Don and Syu.Obviously,they are excited about the offer.i can see from their face how happy they were.Me?I did try to check it.but,twice failed application make me stop trying.Everyone is like wanting to know whether or not i got it too.Yeah,hard to admit but maybe they secretly wishes for me to go?lol...its inner voice,ok.somehow...at my room,i checked it once again,and there you go....

"RM0.20 MOE: TAHNIAH!ANDA BERJAYA.91011909****.Kursus:S012R0E0MP di IPGM KAMPUS PEND TEKNIK.Info lanjut layari http://www.moe.gov.my/"

Sh*t!its the first word to come out of my mouth.I did ask for God not to grant me the application.If im damn not interested why am i attending the interview?im blocking other oppurtunities,what?!huhhh...its my mum.She's the one who force me to go for it.As to satiesfied her,and for the sake of obeying...i agree..i only did the preparation last minute!i did the research on the night of the interview,i submitted an INCOMPLETE forms,i didn't gave my picture accordingly,i even submit certificates w/o my name on it!plus,i also failed to answer Q about cabinet in personal interview!what the heck were they thinking??!iam not a qualified TEACHER to be!!!

i know,by the time im publishing all these to the public,lots will say that im not grateful as i should be...I should have aware of the fact that thousand had applied but only few had succeed..how am i going to say that I COMPLETELY understand of the situation!its just,try being in my shoe,then only you'll shut up.its a matter of passion and future..which should i choose???my passion,eager,interest and the rest of it lies here,in law...but,a total promises future awaits in IPGM...i have of the interest on being a teacher...yet,im still considering the risk of studying law...there is not a single promise of end up being a lawyer.also,there is no guaranty of not commiting sins...plus,the unscholarship study in degree...everything compared to ipgm's offer is too much to handle.as in ipgm i will get allowance every single months!job is also secured...

these are among advices yg i dpt...

WHAT WILL BE MY CHOICE???!

hurmmm...still hoping for clues.im going to perform the istikharah tonight.hopefully it will work.i sygg sgt nak tinggal my friends here.they are all sweet and caring..i started to love them but now it seems like i have to go.my roommates...classmates...i LOVE u guys!!!i don't want to leave...but..maybe its still early to decide.yah.hopefully.am i asking too much for hoping the same incident as USM interfere to happen again this time? T_T

"Ya Allah, saya memohonkan pilihan menurut pengetahuanMu dan memohonkan penetapan dengan kesuasaanMu juga saya memohonkan kurniaMu yang besar, sebab sesungguhnya Engkaulah yang Maha Mengetahui dan saya tidak mengetahui apa-apa. Engkau Maha Mengetahui segala yang ghaib. Ya Allah, jikalau di dalam ilmuMu bahawa urusan saya ini........baik untukku dalam agamaku, kehidupanku serta akibat urusanku, maka takdirkanlah untukku dan mudahkanlah serta berikanlah berkah kepadaku di dalamnya. Sebaliknya jikala di dalam ilmumu bahawa urusan ini buruk untukku, dalam agamaku, kehidupan serta akibat urusanku, maka jauhkanlah hal itu daripadaku dan jauhkanlah aku daripadanya serta takdirkanlah untukku yang baik-baik saja dimana saja adanya, kemudian puaskanlah hatiku dengan takdirMu itu."

p/s:help me to decide...