It's time to make it public.

i'm giving out a terrible sigh in case u didn't realize it...

God,i'm exhausted.

i'm about to let EVERYTHING out.

it is advisory for u not to read it in anyway.

yes,u could use it as a weapon against me,

laugh it,make fun of me,i don't care.

talk behind me,label me,do whatever u guys want,

i just don't care anymore,

i just don't!

i read my best buddy's blog just now,

she wrote about her problems and all,

then i realize how long i've been under pressure.

too bad that i has to make it public.

friends do read my blog,and yes that's fine.

but,they spread bad rumors too,u see?

well,to me,thats ugly.

i don't know whether it's me or anything else,

psychologically i'll not blame myself for sure,

but u sure can,

yeah,whatever,i said i don't care.

this semester i had fun being myself,

and i thought that was cool,

but seems like not everyone's agreeing with me.

didn't everyone go around saying it's okayyy being different,be yourself and all,

but screw u guys.

why is it when i'm being one,u said;

CHANGE!

there is this one big bragger in my class.

there u go,i've let it out.

aftermath?i might get boycott by others.

why?

because it turns out that i'm the only one who has the courage to voice out my spiteful feeling public and not acting angelic in front of that person and bad mouthing that person behind the person's back.

let just call that person goblin.

gosh,it feels GOOD.

back to the topic,

i HATE goblin.

i f#@&ing hate goblin!

and,for those who constantly questioning why me and 

my troops keep on using foul wordies,

 put on my shoes. 

can't wait to hear which word wud u use!

i can't understand how on earth could they stand a person 

that keeps on insulting them directly and 

praising herself publicly over and over again like shit?

yes,they own such a nobel and great heart.

a salute from me to them.

u go folks!

so,why complain?

why must u burden up my thought with the feeling of dissatisfaction towards that goblin ?

just so u got alliance and then working your ass off to bring me down when you are with the goblin?

that's SMART.

maybe a little bit selfish over there?

uhh huh?

and,whats with this awkward responds ever since the MUET's result was out?

yes,

i got band 5!

and yes,

i'm a bit proud.

because i finally can prove to everyone that i somehow has something in me,

that i'm not sitting here in uitm reading law for just a matter of luck.

and i can in one way can make my mum and my family shut up their complain about me not choosing to be in IPGM,

(of course,it didnt shut mum.she still thought i'd do better in Tesl)

but i decided to keep it down from people because i knew this would happen!

Most will go around with disbelief and theories.

saying that i'm just being lucky again and because i was taking it in a kampong school.

well, that surely is offensive.

FYI,

i NEVER been lucky once in my life.

and,the place where im taking that silly test is the center for the test in my state.

but then,people will go;

Perlis itself is a kampong.

or,

uuuww....alah,ko kan terer,fynnn...

stop it,will ya?

what's the big deal??!

gimme money,i'll do retest!

if its the only way to shut u down...

to relate,

haven't i mention how much i hate people whos underestimating others?

same goes to the goblin.

i just wish i could slap everyone who's doing this shitty.

please lah,stop acting or even think u are wayyy better than others,

cause at the time u are doing it,

u already wayyyyy WORSE!

u see,some might good in this certain thing but some not,

but they might be better in something else.

its not like those are gonna last pon...

i stutters at public speaking,

and i'm too wretched at debates,

i'm no good at making friends

neither giving out first impressions,

but in everything i do,

i have commitment. 

i give out the best of me FAIRly.

it's ok if u looking down on me,

it happens all the time and im kinda used to it.

those staring, awkward glimpse,and cold treatment.HAHA

insulting my friends right in front of me,

using your advantage against her disadvantage?

is that all u got?

fighting with us losers so that u can look good?

playing on the safe side,scared that u might get hit?

that's a very brave of u!

seriously,it's shocking that others fail to figure it out~

and,im still in shock that i allow myself to call u my friends.

shame on us!

and about last madam Carol's class.

it bothers me up till this very second.

i can guarantee that after class,people go around saying how rude and bad i am....

isn't it true?

HAHA.and i thought i've told u i'm lacking of attitude?

label me,condemned me,do whatever you want.

Madam herself will hate me afterward.

*sigh

ouh,in case you are wondering,

that time,

i was waiting for others who were in line to show her their topics at my place,

while showing my friends something on the laptop.

then she went announcing that the practice is about to start,

and i rose hand,thought that she might spare me some time so that i could go and discuss my topic with her,

never in my mind that i ever think to act snob or rude,

then, she went;

what?do u want me to go over there?

talking about respect and everything,

saying that im so upset,

and i got the awkward looks from the whole classmates

saying;

"dammit Fynn,u are horribly rude"

all eyes on me.

thought that i've told,i can't stand people looking at me at once.

i bet they forgot.

yes!i'm damn offended.

and it hurts u know,to receive such judgment when u less expect it.

u guys just don't care.

but,if really i'm the one who's guilty,

then forgive me.

i can't change the fact that i'm no robot who doesn't make mistake.

uhhh....

it feels damn much better to have everything out.

they have been in there for such a long time.

i can't wait to get the hell out of here.

i'm grateful that in the midst of everything i at least have friends who constantly backing me up,

THANKS a lot!

i didn't know if i can go through all this without u guys.

and,to dearest and beloved

enemies and enemies to be;

I JUST DON'T CARE.

not that i'm alive because of u,anyway.