Sem 3:This is me trying.

Ingat lagi dua tahun dulu.That time when UPU's result was out and I didn't get any offer because of some technical defects and I kind of mourn every second of my life.I didn't quite remember how much I cried or how much heartaches I have to endure but what I've remember from back then was I promised myself, once I'm on board,I'll do anything to succeed 'cuz I have something to prove.Last two semester was hard,real hard.So much troubles;friends,houses,conflicts,drama,results.Semester 2 was the worst.Bila teringat result exam masa tu I thought that was it.They were right,and I was wrong.I'm not made for law school,that I'm too stupid to get on and that time I thought I was going to surrender.Keputusan memang nasty-ly teruk and what make it worse, seniors going on about 'susah nak improve gpa once dah teruk and everything', ramai orang kena repeat this and that subjects, in law school repeat tu is a norm lah and frankly,I believed them.I was down,since then I look down upon myself,I lost any form of confidence left in me but then I think to myself; 'If you are going to fail,fail trying.'.That way, when someone harass me with judgmental critics I could say at least I've done everything I could and not blame it all on the world.So, semester 3. I got friends with the awesomest creatures I could ever ask for, I still woke up late,skipped classes, pandang BEL sebelah mata,messed up my heart,but I keep the interest going.I know somewhere in me that I'm just an ordinary average not genius but I stay.and I learn.So,last 22 February was the result day.People were going crazy about it on tweeter and facebook but not me.Until,few hours ago.

Alhamdulillah.

Gladly,I PASS!freaking pass!all the subjects.

and 3 pointer.whaddap!

and I got some As though it was elective,and such but still.

Unfortunately for me,not a dean list this time neither.(DL students dont skip class like me or neither belajar one sem subject in 2 days)

But I improved hella lot in my GPA.

and I'm satisfied and thankful enough :)

No,this is not for my bragging food.You're missing the point.I've got totally zero to brag about.Others had done so so much much better than me.and whaddaya know,it's baru sem 3,sweetheart. I've put this not so pretty result up here is for those who thought they're just a bunch of average losers yang survive basedly sebab luck.This is for those who once dreams on taking over the world but end up empty handed and this is for those who are just like me.Listen, at one point or another in life, you will get this tragic flings that made you think you're a worthless piece of shit and that you're just supporting actor and there are no room to shine.You try,you fail,you try again,you fail again but failing should not be able to stop you from trying.It's what its job and your job is to keep on trying until finally a new script is handed to you and your name was on top of the cast.My advice, if you're too tired of trying you just stay where you are,no movement,do nothing that's alright but never once give up.Because if you notice, good things tend to happens when all the hope is gone,isn't it?Now turn that frown upside down and walk with grace :)

Chin up,beautiful souls :)

Eversince I can remember, a lot of people has called me fat. Too many that I've lost count. and that doesn't exclude some close friends of mine. Yes, that makes me sad and NO I'm not gonna smack them on the head. 

I don't think that will solve their mental issues.

YOU, who constantly calling me fat, this is me being FAT.

and this is the actual me.

I might not have a skinny model-like figure or cheek bone,

but a reasonable man would know the different.

but then of course, retarded mean hearted people wouldn't get it.

It's alright :)

 For those people who had been called fat,ugly and million other horrible names by your own friends or strangers or whoever, stop being sad. Don't let those people affect your life. Instead,be glad because you, the most horrible person to their eyes never do most horrible things like them. Be proud because we don't need to use mean words to bring people down just to feel better about ourselves. Smile and chin up because our flaws are what make us different.

3 reasons to be jelly of me!

Hari ni shopping raya.tadda~

Went to Jitra Mall,Kedah.

Supposed to buy 2 pasang but end up with only 1.

Heh.the banyak songeh me. 

On my defense, semua sepesen and a bit too pricey for something that is to be worn once. 

Teehee.

I superstitiously believe that it's bad luck to reveal the whole baju,but hey!

I guess, a sneak peek wouldn't hurt?

the theme is freaking YELL-LOW this year,so don't be so hard on me.

Plus,it's freaking big in size. Anyone know a good place(in perlis) where I can fix this,please please do recommend.

And claro ce sie, my aim, my hardwork, my gaji and my newborn baby,

Hands off!Hahaha.No, seriously.

Nahhh,it's not galaxy SII, it's Ace.but it's alright though :3

I'm a happy girl now.

No longer forever alone ^^

and, cross this out from the wishlist right away!

Then I bought something else, not for raya,not for something special.Oh well, I just did.HAHA

and my mum was anxious.

"Along, you've got too many shoes already. It's time to stop this habit of yours~"

Em..no can't do.

Cry baby cry.

You mean cake!

Truth is,

You don't know what you don't know.

Someday I'll be big enough so you can't hit me.

All you gonna be is mean,

and a liar,

and pathetic,

and alone in life

and mean.

I got that Kristen Stewart disease.

Well known of having the same facial expression for every photos.

And here comes me,

not that I don't notice it,

I did try to use some other expression.

stupid face,

that fugly lips pose,

but just whenever I try the outcome would be,

SEE WHAT I MEAN NOW?

060311.) Today,I'm a happy girl.

I got 24/7 with these chickos <3

Crossing out some few things from wishlist.

Fucking cool OWL necklace

African style sandal

Bloody gorgeous flat gladiator

Charm bracelet

Star shoe laces

2 baju kurung cotton (moreee)

Cinema

A cute,chubby brand new boyfriend for real

And, I fucking feel pretty again :)

Nahhh, I was just kidding about the last one.Scratch that.HAHA you!

Being human is tiring~

Being human is tiring.

Let's be a cat,instead.

Bang bang you're dead.

I really wish I could axe some of my friends right now.

Because I don't think shotgun is suffix.

Funny,dulu siap mengaku adik beradik,

now satu kepala pun tak nampak.

Birthday aku pun tak ingat kot?LOL.

 Lepas tu,sorang sorang buat hal,sekarang tinggal seciput.

Tapi tak apa. 

Ciput ni lah aku sayang.

Ciput ni lah yang setia,

yang ada susah senang,

yang bukan parasit.

Semua dah tak sama,

Things change,people does too.

Suka hati aku.

Kenapa?

Senang aku nak kelas mana jalang dengan jantung.

:)

Yesterday was a fairytale.

The subject matter is the purse aka wallet. and this is the picture of me and my friend, Aina getting all high and excited after finding it :)

So today, I kinda dropped my wallet in a taxi which I have not know any idea of, the number or anything else but the name and some descriptions of the driver. If you're in my situation what do you do?? I know, FREAK OUT. I was going to since I got everything in my wallet like ic,licenses, bank card, uhmmm this friday night bus ticket~ And for like 10 minutes, I stand right beside the place where the taxi drop us like a total bimbo who don't know what to do.

Then, exactly when the brain start functioning, I took this one dreadful cab(kenari) to go to Sek 2,to the taxi's port for a hunt. Tell you what, this Kenari pak cik was so mean all the way there. He was nagging all the way of how mad he is sebab when he pick me up, he sort of lose all the passenger for that morning. And then he went on and on about me not going to ever find the wallet and how impossible it is that I only stand a 30% chance. He also kind of telling me to give up hope and indirectly told me how stupid I am not to take the plat number and everything. At one point, I was going to ask him to pull over and just walk myself out but I don't know where I got such patience that day. Seriously,out of the days.Fione!

At Sek 2, all the taxi drivers were gathering around me asking, investigating, you know~ Seems like there's no hope, but then when I mention the name of the driver, they were like "Oh,we know that guy" then this one blessed pak cik call him, but sadly the guy wasn't even out yet. Quite frustrated, we thanked them and walk away to bus stop, waiting for bus, maybe heading to pkns, to another taxi spot or maybe later, police station. Then,suddenly this blessed pak cik ask me to approach him and told me he knew the guy but just don't have his number. So,after getting my number he went on search. 

Just when we're about to hop in the bus, he called.

"Awak ada kat mana? datang balik kat sek 2, dah jumpa beg duit awak"

And yes, I feel like run fast to hug him but, ahem! So jyeah, I'm so grateful that such human being is still exist. and I did gave him some reward just like the old essay I used to write about this man losing his wallet and this kid found it and return it safely and getting rewarded. Yes,just like that. Except that, i never feel so touch like this before,indeed.

So,what I learn today? There will be friends who will help you all the way through and there will be some who just act like as if nothing's wrong. For that, thank you so much, Aina and Majdah and this one budak asasi! Second, the will always be demons but angel is still flying in between. Thank you Pak cik terbaik beyond infinity (thats the name I save in my phone book), I really wish you well and dimurahkan rezeki,AMIN. to the other pak cik, OMG you're so handsome :3

Oh, not to forget, the pak cik kenari, thank you sebab still you willing to pick me up despites everything else and hey,

IN YOUR FACE! I found it, didn't I?

Btw, I sort of try this new look. AND, I don't quite sure if it looks okay enough on me like the superb Maria Elena, but I do get some compliment though~ One even said I wear it like Yuna.sigh. I'm still proud though I know, they probably meant cantik by referring to the shawl.HAHA. but this one guy said I look serabut. Which, I was expecting from a guy,yes. And this is why I always say that girls never dress up for boys,never. So,what'd you think? Did I pull it off? Did I nail it? or didn't I? Spill,please?

p.s. this is my kind of fairytale.not those kind with prince charming and beautiful princess,no.

Resurgam

It has been 3 days since the visit to Sekolah Henry Gurney. Alhamdulillah, everything went well. I know, some people will think that it is weird for me to have this obsession to visit this school. One of my friends even ask,

HAHA.So, the answer is yes. One of my wishlist ever since my mum told me that the school is build on island with big sharks swimming all around it. Eventhough it turns out that the actual school is not on island but in Malacca instead, that does not stop me at all. Not at all. It's just I always have a thing to 'the underdogs' and such~ Simple says, curiosity! Like, does those children eat people,kill people,rape, or does they even look like a human being? I mean, they were all kids,you know what I mean??

So, ini lah rupa sekolahnya from luar. Oh, peringatan, gambar is very limited since no cameras or anything yang boleh record tak dibenarkan bawa masuk,ye kawan-kawan. Okay, masa first nampak bangunan ni, memang teruja habis! Turun bas je, ini kerja kitorang.

Orang lain sibuk angkat barang,kitorang berangan menang hamper sebentar.LOL

Lepas dengar briefing segala, adrenaline memang dah pumping tahap apa dah. Nervous,takut, semua ada. Bila tengok tahap pencapaian akademik, I can say budak-budak situ taklah seteruk yang orang ramai selalu anggap. I mean, SPM 5A's? Budak sekolah biasa pun susah kot,nak dapat. Sukan, koko ? Okay, diorang ni semua human being juga, bukan Hanibal Lecter,no! Masih terngiang-ngiang kata-kata Inspektor tu;

"yang perempuan tolong hati-hati. Kat dalam tu ada pesalah seks..."

"jangan bagi contact number korang kalau budak-budak ni minta!"

Lepas breakfast yang super yummy, kitorang ramai-ramai gerak ke Dewan Parameswara, di mana 30 something penghuni lelaki plus 14 orang penghuni perempuan tengah menunggu. Masa tu, gementar tak perlu nak cakaplah,kan? Bila kitorang masuk je dalam dewan dari belakang, diorang terus bangun. Ada juga beberapa orang Inspektor dan pegawai penjara yang ada. Masa nak duduk dekat kerusi yang tersusun di sebelah budak budak ni, my hand memang totally menggeletar, seram sejuk semua ada. Bayangkan, semua budak lelaki, pakai kemeja dan seluar putih, kepala semuanya botak. Seram tak seram? Tapi, nak tak nak memang kena stay. Siapa suruh memandai sangat nak pergi,kan?

Lepas perkenalkan diri kitorang, fasi-fasi ni, aktiviti first pagi tu is senaman yang agak kelakar lah. Mula-mula muka masing-masing memang macam tak nak buat pun. Fasi pun jauh je duduk from diorang. Tapi lama kelamaan, diorang finally macam dah open. Agak lama juga lah, since lepas buat group, cheers baru diorang nak semangat.  

Sesi : Ice breaking

Masa ni, kitorang was allowed utk pilih our own group. So, I gor grip on this 5 girls group named 'Sempoi je'. I know the name is lame,but budak-budak~

Nama saya, *****, form 4, 20 tahun. Kak Fynn umur berapa?

Dang! Masa ni sumpah nak jerit, weyyy same je umur kita,tak perlu panggil kakak!HAHAHA. Umur kirog terpaksa dirahsiakan and perlu appear years older than them. So hey, Kak Fynn is 25.NICE.

Sesi: Cita-citaku

Agak ironic dan terkejut bila dengar diorang masing-masing nak jadi polis, askar and etc. Funny, they said it's impossible sebab diorang pendek. And to that, I'm SPEECHLESS! memang diorang girls nampak macam darjah 5-6 bukan tingkatan dah! And ada this chinese girl, bila ktorg tanya nanti besar nak jadi apa?

"Saya nak jaga mak saya"

and yet AGAIN aku speechless. Why did you get in here for,anyway?!

Sesi: Jambatan besi

This is like the fun-est game ever played that day! Like seriously, memang semua gelak macam haram lagi kot! Some took it seriously. And for my group,what do you expect? Aku ajar budfak-budak ni buat jambatan paling kelakar dalam dunia!hahahha

"Kak Fynn, muka merah dah!"

Sesi senaman 'Otomen'

Senaman ni memang bapak memalukan. Sebab terpaksa,aku buat kalau tak HAHAHAAHrapan lah. Tengah encore, tetiba budak Chinese tadi datang kat aku,

"Alaaa...akak nak balik dah..."

Mau tak berkolam mata aku weh!jangan risau guys, aku terrer control macho. Time balik, ada sesi bersalam and ramai jugaklah budak-budak perempuan yang menangis. Inspektor tu cakap, ni first time lah benda macam ni jadi,so agak kembang pukoq juga kami masing-masing :)

Aku ingat lagi, sorang budak ni punya speech,

"Kami nak ucap terima kasih sangat kpd abang-abang dan kakak-kakak fasi sebab sudi buat program macam ni dan tak aggap kami macam orang jahat. Terima kasih sebab bagi kami semangat lepas keluar nanti. Dan sebab hari ni memang best!"

Okay,ayat tu memang aku karang sendiri.Bapak la nak ingat,tapi point dia adalah sikit sebanyak. Terharu kami semua,tak terkata.Terkedu. Ada seorang budak group aku ni, siap kasi aku kata-kata semangat lagi,

'Orang yang kuat bukan lah orang yang selalu menang, tetapi seorang yang bisa bangkit selepas dia jatuh' 

Simple says, kitorang melawat Henry Gurney untuk tolong mereka, ajar mereka, tunjuk mana hala tuju tapi honestly aku rasa, mereka yang banyak mengajar kami semua.

Resurgam(moto Sekolah Henry Gurney) : I WILL RISE

Best Thaipusam ever!

Hello ane, thambi, apa buat dekat rumah ini hari? Oh well, me on the other hand have like the best day ever!

Noooo, I don't go to any perarakan with those people wearing crazy stuff on their face with loud music and beautiful colours, no. Today, dengan some of guys and girls from SCLC, I went to extreme park in Sek 13 to do some outdoors like wall climbing,flying fox and archery. Truth be told, I wanna go there go to release whatever dark energy left in me since this whole week had been VERY VERY moronic with this whole copycat girl and hey, besok I takde kelas yaw! So, bila dapat text je pasal this activity, memang angkut semua lah nak join, so here are some dare devil super headstrong cool people yang ada tadi :

I must say those people yang deny aku punya invitation memang totally RUGI. alah, setakat takut tinggi, malas keluar duit, lalala~ 

Well yes, lepas masuk group #2, wall climbing is the first stop. This is my second time kot! Excited na mati!!!

I managed ke petak yang ke-3 at wall yang susah!Mannnnn,I'm so proud of my self today :3 Next time naik, I swear I'm going to finish sampai atas. Too bad tadi tangan menggeletar semacam. Nampak sangat lama tak senaman!

Then, my favourite of all, musang terbang! well, of course with tali :D

me ready nak berlepas; "Abang,tak pegang tali boleh tak?"

Jauh kot habaq mai! This is too my second time. So,naik memang buat dekkk je. First time dulu ye,takut. Masa berlepas aku buat gaya titanic, "I'm the king of the world" siot! Sebab ada long way to go, tengah jalan I end up macam ni. Auhhh,rugi lah tak baring ke kuak lentang ke~

Last game,for sure archery. GILA BAPAK TAK SUKA game ni. Why? sebab it needs focus. sama macam bowling. demm,aku tak pernah pin pin putih hipokrit tu jatuh pun masa bola aku lalu dalam longkang sebelah mereka,okai! get it? Tah macam mana, kena jugak seret main benda alah ni since aku orang last. Bayar punya pasal, try je. And guess what? 

AKU SHOOT KENA LA SIOT!TEMPAT SECOND FROM CENTER TU,LAGI!

okay, calm your ass,Fynn.

Akak yang jaga tu cakap; "Gaya dah ade ni"

Aku tak faham gambar ni,lepas rotate pun still macam siaa.

 *kembang pungkoq*

And yang paling out of the black&red,

Cake paling sedap after choc indulgence and blackforest!mannn

Aku tersangatlah tak gheti buat muka terharu,kan? Cake kedua untuk hari jadi ke 20,awwww. Okay,speech macam artis dah kasi tadi. Seriously, kami berempat sangat happy and terharu even expression macam tak.hehe

lepas tuh, paintball session. Bukan semua main,aku pun tak perhaps lain kali. Overall, hari ni seriously memang heaven. Rasa macam finally dapat lepas dari buku, cases and classes! Thanks semua! Definitely akan jadi pro SCLC for EVER :3

ni semua rockers suka suki hari ini yay!

Nah,muka aku puas hati :3