Chin up,beautiful souls :)

Eversince I can remember, a lot of people has called me fat. Too many that I've lost count. and that doesn't exclude some close friends of mine. Yes, that makes me sad and NO I'm not gonna smack them on the head. 

I don't think that will solve their mental issues.

YOU, who constantly calling me fat, this is me being FAT.

and this is the actual me.

I might not have a skinny model-like figure or cheek bone,

but a reasonable man would know the different.

but then of course, retarded mean hearted people wouldn't get it.

It's alright :)

 For those people who had been called fat,ugly and million other horrible names by your own friends or strangers or whoever, stop being sad. Don't let those people affect your life. Instead,be glad because you, the most horrible person to their eyes never do most horrible things like them. Be proud because we don't need to use mean words to bring people down just to feel better about ourselves. Smile and chin up because our flaws are what make us different.

Not bersih enough.

First, no political shit needed here,gracias. And if I were to join the assembly, I would dress up as Spongebob.

Since  minggu lepas, asal aku jejak kaki kat Kangar je, memang bersepah publisiti graffiti tak jadi yang invite pergi bersih dekat dinding-dinding bangunan. Al maklum lah, setiap hari balik pukul 9,tak sempat nak tengok berita. Pelik, ribu ribu orang kumpul, habis takde dana nak buat banner ke flyers ke ape? Rasuah tak boleh, vandalism takpe. ANYWAY, malas nak campur urusan majlis pembandaran.

Then, dekat tempat kerja, ramai pulak datang cari baju kuning kosong. Okai, ini memang I stepped on a dogshit lah since aku penunggu men's department. 

"Adik, baju kuning kosong ada tak? Pak cik nak beli, nak cop pergi bersih"

"Gotong-royong bersih apa,pak cik?"

"Eh bukan,nak p KL nuh. Pakcik nak berhimpun, nama kumpulan tu bersih.."

"Eh,bukan haram ke,perhimpunan tu pak cik?"

Okai,aku admit memang kepoyo-an law student aku membuak-buak nak keluar time tu. Nak bertekak pasal Article 10 segala~

"Baju murah pun takpe dik,size besaq ada dok?"

"Pak cik,awat depa tak settle cara formal,cara elok?bukan ada prosedur ka nak buat undang-undang semua tu?"

"Memang la.tapi benda ni,nak bawa masuk parlimen pun tak lepaih."

"Awat tak lepaih?kira kalau tak lepaih tu,ada yang tak kena la tu kan?"

Then he gave me the stop-asking-me-questions-cuz-i-don't know-what-to-say look.

"...p kl jauh-juah perabih duet,silap hari bulan lokap~"

"apadia,dik?"

"Dok,ni try tengok baju ni,elok boleh pakai kap~"

2-3 hari lepas tu,ada lagi 2 orang pak cik datang cari baju kuning 10 helai.

"Pak cik beli banyak buat pa,pak cik?"

"Dok,nak bawak orang kampong p main dart nuhhh"

orang kampong punya team dart.cayalah!

Yahhh,I'm that stupid. Lepas dengar those pak cik explain kenapa diorang sampai buat pakatan segala, I was like, okay,it's a good agenda. Niat baik,of course, tapi cara tu sonsang sikit kot? I mean, ok memang havoc boleh kumpul ramai-ramai, terpekik terlolong, keluar masuk lokap, polis buat roadblock sana sini, perabih duit,masa,tenaga,gas pemedih mata, mengadap sultan, blog entries, conteng conteng dinding, baju sepesen, menipu salesgirls, memang something lah! At least nampak lah maksud warna biru dekat jalur gemilang tu memang terterap dalam jiwa rakyat.Great. 

in the end?

kecoh.which is cool cus riot is so ma thang,ya naw?

racism.which if you can't tell,BAD.

Conflicts. Kebetulan je nick pengkomen tu 'setan'

Personally, aku tengok yang pergi that assembly bukan nak sokong agenda tapi mostly rebellious kiddos macam aku yang perak tak pernah kena kejar dek polisi and clean freaks. No offence,aku cakap mostly. Entah lah,aku tak nak blame pembersih se Malaysia neither nak jadi pro kerajaan. Sebab kalau aku keluar ilmu ciput yang aku belajar,nanti orang cakap poyo budak law emo,kalau sokong bersih rasa macam something's wrong. So, like usual, aku New Zealand for good. Otak ada, kita fikirlah sendiri.Pakai otak,bukan hati,yaw!

p.s. whatever usul yang pembersih perjuangkan tu,harap dapat masuk parlimen lah lepas ni,eh?At least berbaloi tiket bus pergi kl tu~

First day,second job.

Stalkers,you don't wanna miss this.

I'm so effing tired right now that I even failed to type the F bomb properly.Jyeahh. It's almost 3a.m.
still tomorrow it's gonna be my second day.Together with Jiha,my best bud.
You know what, I'm not gonna whine about how tiresome my job is, no I won't even let you know how many damn hours I have to stand on this weak legs of mine. I believe you guys had enough of all those cliche I-got-the-damn-job-under-control-though-I-my-life's-on-the-line-on-my-first-day-as-a-tempt. Neowww,I won't.

Just fyi, yet again, I'm doing the salesgirl thingy so proudly. The payroll is not much. But it's sure is enough,yep. The job is torturing the hell out of my life. And I'm still going tomorrow. One, because I've been put under the 'Men's Department'. I was like 'bleugh' at first but little that I know, I'll be handling the heaven side of the store.

*slutty evil laugh*

I loved being a salesgirl. It made me feel that I'm somehow matter, that people appreciate me for my helps, my attention, my sacrifices and such. I'm so feelingless right now that it is real hard to describe.shit. I've been writing a one whole paragraph back then.shesssh.maybe later.

I'm gonna drive a stick tomorrow. God save me @_@'


Readers,do me a favor now will you?If you like my post but won't click the like button, that's okay. Even if you comment behind my back but never leave a single written comment, I can live with that. You don't even want to follow me via fb, it's alright. But screw the 'i write to express' shit. I write so you might wanna help out this lousy writer by clicking my nuffnang's iklan once in while,you know~ Not that I'm shamelessly asking you to but hey, I didn't set those up just for a stare subject. Ah, offence not taken,right? :)

I got that Kristen Stewart disease.

Well known of having the same facial expression for every photos.

And here comes me,

not that I don't notice it,

I did try to use some other expression.

stupid face,

that fugly lips pose,

but just whenever I try the outcome would be,

SEE WHAT I MEAN NOW?

7381.) Whenever I saw a pretty girl

 Whenever I see a pretty girl, I feel so intimidated. It’s like whenever I think I look decent or okay, I come across a pretty girl in a picture or a pretty friend and I just immediately fall into the assumption that I will never measure up to that kind of “pretty.” It’s like I can never be enough because there will always be someone prettier and better.

Don't be drag, just be a queen 

Whether you're broke or evergreen 

You're black, white, beige, chola descent 

You're lebanese, you're orient 

Whether life's disabilities 

Left you outcast, bullied or teased 

Rejoice and love yourself today 

'Cause baby, you were born this way 

Too-went-tee

Bang! It's 2011 and I'm perfectly twenty.Gahhh~ Just lose the number '1' in front of my age and it kind of making me sick. Dua puluh tahun hidup, what was it all about? I don't know? I might say tons but I also feels like telling you, none. Get it? Get it? Alrightyyy, obviously I'm having yet another crisis. Do you know, that crisis when you hit certain age in your life that you feels things is not as what it used to be? When you look in the mirror and think your butt looks completely hideous? So, yes that kind of crisis is totally raining rocks all over my brain. Exclamation mark.

Apa guna blog,kalau tak tulis,kan?So ayuh, countdown!

#1- Everyone else seems so young!

It's a serious aweful to walk around and feels like as if I'm a grannie!!! For crying out loud, I'm 2 freaking ty! or 20,jyeahhh. But why does suddenly every waiters, cashiers,etc start calling me 'kakak'?? But that's quite tolerable though, but when things seems like what worst could happen, then there are underage boys.

 Note this, I AM SO EFFING MAD THAT WHENEVER I HAD MY EYES ON SOME CUTE GUYS,THEY TURN OUT TO BE LIKE FEW YEARS YOUNGER THAN ME!!! Oh yes, I'm so not going to get married or even afford a bf.Thank you, thank you so much. Adult sucks much.

#2- I came to know how real friendship works.


I learned a lot about friendships. I lost people that were once my best friends. I lost old friendships that I thought would last beyond high school. People I once trusted ended up showing me the opposite. Although I lost those people, I also built more valuable relationships with the people who stayed. I kept the friends that really mattered. I gained stronger friendships with people who were there for me. I realized that besides family, I only have a few people I can truly rely on, but that's okay. Having a huge group of friends isn't that great when most can care less about you. In the end, having a few valuable friendships with people who really have your back is always worth so much more.

#3- Being a public figure is so disgustingly low!

Why,yes indeed! I used to think it would be great if one day I get to be famous that I own millions of fans worldwide and everything.I mean,how cool is that? But recently, when having this shitty copycat-girl who is so damn awfully clingy and rude and started to use me as a sample in very much everything especially style and clothing, I feels like I'm about to go insane that I think I might poop in her hand! OHMYGAWD. I mean, do you really have no sense of style at all that you really have to copy my outfits and attire or do you really think I'm that dumb not to notice your shameless doing? Hey, for the record, those clothes looks better on me. In your face,sunshine!

#4- Boyfriend,boyfriend and the list goes on~

Mum keeps on bugging me with this heavy predicament and I'm not liking it. Yes, I do have like banyak lagi friends all around me who is still single but when the pressure is up, with this kind of face and figure, I'm actually starting to accept the fact that i would die single,no love at all. As pathetic as it may sound to you who read, try put on my shoes.I'm putting white flags paint all over my face now.

Oh,how I wish I'm a unicorn.or a gummy bear. yeah,that will do.

p.s. :guys, if you came across this post or any in my blog,well do me a favor. Leave a comment or at least like it or something.It feels weird having 200+ followers and didn't get any.You know what I mean? It won't hurt your pride or anything,but I'll sure thank you in advance :)

Bang bang you're dead.

I really wish I could axe some of my friends right now.

Because I don't think shotgun is suffix.

Funny,dulu siap mengaku adik beradik,

now satu kepala pun tak nampak.

Birthday aku pun tak ingat kot?LOL.

 Lepas tu,sorang sorang buat hal,sekarang tinggal seciput.

Tapi tak apa. 

Ciput ni lah aku sayang.

Ciput ni lah yang setia,

yang ada susah senang,

yang bukan parasit.

Semua dah tak sama,

Things change,people does too.

Suka hati aku.

Kenapa?

Senang aku nak kelas mana jalang dengan jantung.

:)

Yesterday was a fairytale.

The subject matter is the purse aka wallet. and this is the picture of me and my friend, Aina getting all high and excited after finding it :)

So today, I kinda dropped my wallet in a taxi which I have not know any idea of, the number or anything else but the name and some descriptions of the driver. If you're in my situation what do you do?? I know, FREAK OUT. I was going to since I got everything in my wallet like ic,licenses, bank card, uhmmm this friday night bus ticket~ And for like 10 minutes, I stand right beside the place where the taxi drop us like a total bimbo who don't know what to do.

Then, exactly when the brain start functioning, I took this one dreadful cab(kenari) to go to Sek 2,to the taxi's port for a hunt. Tell you what, this Kenari pak cik was so mean all the way there. He was nagging all the way of how mad he is sebab when he pick me up, he sort of lose all the passenger for that morning. And then he went on and on about me not going to ever find the wallet and how impossible it is that I only stand a 30% chance. He also kind of telling me to give up hope and indirectly told me how stupid I am not to take the plat number and everything. At one point, I was going to ask him to pull over and just walk myself out but I don't know where I got such patience that day. Seriously,out of the days.Fione!

At Sek 2, all the taxi drivers were gathering around me asking, investigating, you know~ Seems like there's no hope, but then when I mention the name of the driver, they were like "Oh,we know that guy" then this one blessed pak cik call him, but sadly the guy wasn't even out yet. Quite frustrated, we thanked them and walk away to bus stop, waiting for bus, maybe heading to pkns, to another taxi spot or maybe later, police station. Then,suddenly this blessed pak cik ask me to approach him and told me he knew the guy but just don't have his number. So,after getting my number he went on search. 

Just when we're about to hop in the bus, he called.

"Awak ada kat mana? datang balik kat sek 2, dah jumpa beg duit awak"

And yes, I feel like run fast to hug him but, ahem! So jyeah, I'm so grateful that such human being is still exist. and I did gave him some reward just like the old essay I used to write about this man losing his wallet and this kid found it and return it safely and getting rewarded. Yes,just like that. Except that, i never feel so touch like this before,indeed.

So,what I learn today? There will be friends who will help you all the way through and there will be some who just act like as if nothing's wrong. For that, thank you so much, Aina and Majdah and this one budak asasi! Second, the will always be demons but angel is still flying in between. Thank you Pak cik terbaik beyond infinity (thats the name I save in my phone book), I really wish you well and dimurahkan rezeki,AMIN. to the other pak cik, OMG you're so handsome :3

Oh, not to forget, the pak cik kenari, thank you sebab still you willing to pick me up despites everything else and hey,

IN YOUR FACE! I found it, didn't I?

Btw, I sort of try this new look. AND, I don't quite sure if it looks okay enough on me like the superb Maria Elena, but I do get some compliment though~ One even said I wear it like Yuna.sigh. I'm still proud though I know, they probably meant cantik by referring to the shawl.HAHA. but this one guy said I look serabut. Which, I was expecting from a guy,yes. And this is why I always say that girls never dress up for boys,never. So,what'd you think? Did I pull it off? Did I nail it? or didn't I? Spill,please?

p.s. this is my kind of fairytale.not those kind with prince charming and beautiful princess,no.

Mama gone mad.

Just had a FB conversation with my mum and I wish I could tape it and show you guys. LOL.

Atas tu,ayat motif minta handbag baru :DD

okai.ini suspicious!baru cakap tadi betapa I need car now. SERIOUSLY wish I could get it by this sem!hehe reaction I pandai cover tak?LOL

Oh Lord. Happy 21st Anniversary Mamita!

and oh, reminding ayah besok :3

Told ya she's gone mad.

Kahwin?

-_____________-''

Nothings personal.

Ini lagu kasi dengar,khas untuk kau yang terasa.

You know guys, when you say something offensive or something I don't like,

outside, I'll be like

but really,inside I'm like

Come on man.You can't go around hurt peoples' feeling regardless of how perfect you are. I know you might think, "Ahhh...this girl don't even reach my standard, so come, pandang slack dekat dia" Some people will just be like,

but hell yeah, not me. I don't understand why some people always think that they are the best,like they know it all.Even if they read this,they'll be like "What the fuck Fynn?". Hey,people is not that hard to read lah. It is such an eye sore to see my friends go around me saying 

"Fynn, kau tak reti masak,you're a loser"

"Seriously kau tak reti tu? tak reti ni? Seriously?"

"Kau tu gemuk,lain lah"

"Gila boros kau weh,dah habis duit biasiswa kau kerjakan"

"Kenapa kau tak study weh?"

"Kau ni asyik gelak je,asyik enjoy, tak fikir masa depan ke?"

"What! Kau tak kenal dia?where have you been?"

"Why kau tak join tu,ni,segala?"

"Asyik bangun lambat je,apa nak jadi?"

I mean seriously, korang kawan dengan aku sebab apa sebenarnya? No wonder it's always hard nak nampak muka sekor-sekor masa aku susah. Cuba masa tengah happy,tak da kawan, time tension, asal asyik bersepah je kissing my ass.WHY,sunshine?

Ye,kau lah terbaik, kau lah miss/mister perfect, kau lah hebat. Aku loser, pemalas, tak reti masak, cgpa tak 4 rata macam korang. Yelah, life is all about cgpa kan? About reti masak and not about rajin kemas, barang tak bersepah or keep down to earth. 

You know what? Nevermind. In the end, you will judge me anyway, so whatever. At least, do me favor. Don't shows up in front of my face everytime you're in for some fun. I honestly pity you. Why so afraid of having fun? What is it always has to be about, I must work my ass off and stick with people of my standard or better so that I can drive luxurious cars, own a mansion and make 5 digits payroll in the future? And even if you don't like me that much, stop insulting me as if i don't have feelings.

I'm fine with it sometimes. I just put on my straight face, curse and write a post for you,yes I would. BUT, what if I've been so fucking depressed lately? What if I'm very fragile inside that I can't stop thinking about what you said to me. What if I can't stop thinking about things that people say about me? Then I will be very low and think of myself of dumbass and there's no use for me to live anymore and I kill myself. Then you'll have to live with the guilt for the rest of your life. Lucky, I will just fucking hate you and making this special entry for you but not everyones like me. So,stop doing this to other people. It's not worth it. I myself knows what I'm lacking of.Yes, I do. You don't have to add on the pain by saying it out loud, I'm not stupid. I gained nothing from what you have given me except I now know the world is not all beautiful and fair.

I know,this post will be ignore. Nothing would ever change.I know,I know.

Resurgam

It has been 3 days since the visit to Sekolah Henry Gurney. Alhamdulillah, everything went well. I know, some people will think that it is weird for me to have this obsession to visit this school. One of my friends even ask,

HAHA.So, the answer is yes. One of my wishlist ever since my mum told me that the school is build on island with big sharks swimming all around it. Eventhough it turns out that the actual school is not on island but in Malacca instead, that does not stop me at all. Not at all. It's just I always have a thing to 'the underdogs' and such~ Simple says, curiosity! Like, does those children eat people,kill people,rape, or does they even look like a human being? I mean, they were all kids,you know what I mean??

So, ini lah rupa sekolahnya from luar. Oh, peringatan, gambar is very limited since no cameras or anything yang boleh record tak dibenarkan bawa masuk,ye kawan-kawan. Okay, masa first nampak bangunan ni, memang teruja habis! Turun bas je, ini kerja kitorang.

Orang lain sibuk angkat barang,kitorang berangan menang hamper sebentar.LOL

Lepas dengar briefing segala, adrenaline memang dah pumping tahap apa dah. Nervous,takut, semua ada. Bila tengok tahap pencapaian akademik, I can say budak-budak situ taklah seteruk yang orang ramai selalu anggap. I mean, SPM 5A's? Budak sekolah biasa pun susah kot,nak dapat. Sukan, koko ? Okay, diorang ni semua human being juga, bukan Hanibal Lecter,no! Masih terngiang-ngiang kata-kata Inspektor tu;

"yang perempuan tolong hati-hati. Kat dalam tu ada pesalah seks..."

"jangan bagi contact number korang kalau budak-budak ni minta!"

Lepas breakfast yang super yummy, kitorang ramai-ramai gerak ke Dewan Parameswara, di mana 30 something penghuni lelaki plus 14 orang penghuni perempuan tengah menunggu. Masa tu, gementar tak perlu nak cakaplah,kan? Bila kitorang masuk je dalam dewan dari belakang, diorang terus bangun. Ada juga beberapa orang Inspektor dan pegawai penjara yang ada. Masa nak duduk dekat kerusi yang tersusun di sebelah budak budak ni, my hand memang totally menggeletar, seram sejuk semua ada. Bayangkan, semua budak lelaki, pakai kemeja dan seluar putih, kepala semuanya botak. Seram tak seram? Tapi, nak tak nak memang kena stay. Siapa suruh memandai sangat nak pergi,kan?

Lepas perkenalkan diri kitorang, fasi-fasi ni, aktiviti first pagi tu is senaman yang agak kelakar lah. Mula-mula muka masing-masing memang macam tak nak buat pun. Fasi pun jauh je duduk from diorang. Tapi lama kelamaan, diorang finally macam dah open. Agak lama juga lah, since lepas buat group, cheers baru diorang nak semangat.  

Sesi : Ice breaking

Masa ni, kitorang was allowed utk pilih our own group. So, I gor grip on this 5 girls group named 'Sempoi je'. I know the name is lame,but budak-budak~

Nama saya, *****, form 4, 20 tahun. Kak Fynn umur berapa?

Dang! Masa ni sumpah nak jerit, weyyy same je umur kita,tak perlu panggil kakak!HAHAHA. Umur kirog terpaksa dirahsiakan and perlu appear years older than them. So hey, Kak Fynn is 25.NICE.

Sesi: Cita-citaku

Agak ironic dan terkejut bila dengar diorang masing-masing nak jadi polis, askar and etc. Funny, they said it's impossible sebab diorang pendek. And to that, I'm SPEECHLESS! memang diorang girls nampak macam darjah 5-6 bukan tingkatan dah! And ada this chinese girl, bila ktorg tanya nanti besar nak jadi apa?

"Saya nak jaga mak saya"

and yet AGAIN aku speechless. Why did you get in here for,anyway?!

Sesi: Jambatan besi

This is like the fun-est game ever played that day! Like seriously, memang semua gelak macam haram lagi kot! Some took it seriously. And for my group,what do you expect? Aku ajar budfak-budak ni buat jambatan paling kelakar dalam dunia!hahahha

"Kak Fynn, muka merah dah!"

Sesi senaman 'Otomen'

Senaman ni memang bapak memalukan. Sebab terpaksa,aku buat kalau tak HAHAHAAHrapan lah. Tengah encore, tetiba budak Chinese tadi datang kat aku,

"Alaaa...akak nak balik dah..."

Mau tak berkolam mata aku weh!jangan risau guys, aku terrer control macho. Time balik, ada sesi bersalam and ramai jugaklah budak-budak perempuan yang menangis. Inspektor tu cakap, ni first time lah benda macam ni jadi,so agak kembang pukoq juga kami masing-masing :)

Aku ingat lagi, sorang budak ni punya speech,

"Kami nak ucap terima kasih sangat kpd abang-abang dan kakak-kakak fasi sebab sudi buat program macam ni dan tak aggap kami macam orang jahat. Terima kasih sebab bagi kami semangat lepas keluar nanti. Dan sebab hari ni memang best!"

Okay,ayat tu memang aku karang sendiri.Bapak la nak ingat,tapi point dia adalah sikit sebanyak. Terharu kami semua,tak terkata.Terkedu. Ada seorang budak group aku ni, siap kasi aku kata-kata semangat lagi,

'Orang yang kuat bukan lah orang yang selalu menang, tetapi seorang yang bisa bangkit selepas dia jatuh' 

Simple says, kitorang melawat Henry Gurney untuk tolong mereka, ajar mereka, tunjuk mana hala tuju tapi honestly aku rasa, mereka yang banyak mengajar kami semua.

Resurgam(moto Sekolah Henry Gurney) : I WILL RISE