Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Here's to the people who wakes up every morning feeling afraid that you are still breathing.

No need for the 999 call, for the panic or anything,no. I'm constantly in suicidal mode but maybe not today,ay? Because I have something to share, something that when you've read it and walk pass me anywhere, just don't mention about it,pretty please. Those people who knew me, they'll probably known me for the girl who is always in agony, one bad luck after another, and completely messed up. For being this type of girl, life ain't that easy. There are often times when I feel like cutting off my veins, swallow in some pills or hang the hell out of my life.

I hate everyone, for not acting the way I play life in my mind.
I can sense that nobody actually likes me. Not even notice me. That if I die, nothing will change.
I sometimes wish to die so that I can see who actually care for me.sad.
I'm not that one friend who whenever I go,people will talk to me.
I'm always the second guessing, mistaken, made mistakes.
Life loathes me. and it's mutual.

Those who ever feel,even slightest like me, here's something for you to read, enlarge it, I don't care,just read.

We were born for a reason. Not to be the extras,never. It's all about timing,we just need to keep faith. People says, it always rain the hardest on the person who deserve the sun the most. Don't be sad that we're not that in in this fucking judgmental and selfish society, but be proud that we can survive with a smile. Even though it sometimes fake, at least it's more genuine than the heart of the others. And if you ever decided one day, that's it, this is the end of it all,think.

What about the person that has to find your body, surrounded by blood?
What about the terror and pain that they’ll have to remember for the rest of their lives?
What about them having to feel guilty for being “too late” every day of their lives?
What about them holding your body and screaming in agony as they can’t even get the strength to leave you to get a phone to call for help?
What about the depression that you’ll leave them in?
What about them having to walk away, their clothes soaked in your blood and their tears?
What about them yelling at your paralytic body “Please live! I love you! I need you! Please.”?
What about all the tears you’ll cause people that you aren’t even aware of?
What the fuck about them?
Life is so fragile, and we fight for it every day —even against our own hands.
When you kill yourself, you’re also becoming a muderer.
You’re killing pieces of the people who love you.

I have to fight this battle every second of my life, every single teardrops of mine, so who give you the right to stop? Because it's us against the world and I can't fight this battle alone. Cry,cry all your heart out,then sleeps away the pain. Listen to songs that you can relate, get inspired, make a tumblr and then let me know. I'm not saying this for a stupid promotion or something, but I swear when you get on it you're like being in another world. Where there's no judgmental cunt, and we love each other. Well, enough to let me still standing until now :)

Today, I decided to end it. and then I change my mind.

and here's to the people who wakes up every morning feeling afraid that you are still breathing.and here's to you,

Fynn.Tomorrow, wake up brave.

Sunday, March 27, 2011

Thanks a lot for the comfort.heh

She's the type of girl

She is the type of girl you see laughing all the time, she is the type of girl everyone turn for an advice to, she is the type of girl who always let her two friends to walk in front and walk alone behind them whenever there's a narrow lane, she is the type of girl who always be the second guess, she is the type of girl who loves making her friends laugh and happy, she is the type of girl who smiles bitterly when her friends call her fat and ugly, she is the type of girl who laugh at the jokes which offend her, she is the type of girl who seems to be okay when people jokes about the thing that she has been insecure of, she is the type of girl who would rather push herself in front of the other, she is the type of girl who is not that significant, she is the type of girl that boys would never find attractive, she is the type of girl who looks good in the pictures, she is the type of girl who think she is strong, she is the type of girl who blogs about what's actually happen, she is the type of girl who hides,


Sometimes, I distance myself from people because I can either feel them forgetting me or not wanting me anymore. If they notice, I know I meant something but if not, I know where I stand. Though the results are always the same, I find myself more than a billion times on a position to be let down for.

and to those people who only realize that I exist when you need me,

I'm not being selfish,
it just,
before when I was there for you,
I thought you would be here for me too.
I was wrong.

This is on my desktop background. 
Just to remind me every day that I don't breathe to server others. 
That if I live on trying to please everyone, I ought not to call it mine.

Monday, March 7, 2011

I got that Kristen Stewart disease.

Well known of having the same facial expression for every photos.
And here comes me,

not that I don't notice it,
I did try to use some other expression.
stupid face,
that fugly lips pose,

but just whenever I try the outcome would be,


060311.) Today,I'm a happy girl.

I got 24/7 with these chickos <3

Crossing out some few things from wishlist.

Fucking cool OWL necklace

African style sandal

Bloody gorgeous flat gladiator

Charm bracelet

Star shoe laces
2 baju kurung cotton (moreee)

A cute,chubby brand new boyfriend for real

And, I fucking feel pretty again :)

Nahhh, I was just kidding about the last one.Scratch that.HAHA you!

Thursday, March 3, 2011

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Friendship is like a glass of water.

Aku dah penat cakap yang aku lelah sungguh dengan perangai manusia.
sick and tired.
and sebab aku juga sama manusia
,aku pun tak terlepas buat perangai taik.

Betul lah orang cakap,semakin banyak kita belajar,semakin banyak ilmu yang kita tak tahu.So does friendship. Semakin ramai kawan kau ada, semakin sikit kawan yang sebenarnya ada.Well,that if you know what i mean lah~

One type yang paling famous and bersepah-sepah sekarang ni is the type yang,

"Oh hi! I only exist when you need something"

Selapuk mana pun idiom, 'a friend in need is a friend indeed', sampai bila bila kita boleh apply. I'm sick and soon to be immuned kot by friends yang kalau ada masalah sikit,kalau takde kawan lain or something datang menjerit-jerit 'Fyynnnnn!'. Masa tu aku lah kawan baik,akulah tempat mengadu. and then,tak lama lepas tu,when the wheel turns upside down, bila dia dah comfortable,ada teman lain, kau ingat nak ke,hingin ke dia nak pandang muka ketat aku ni?Haiiii,lalu sebelah pun tak perasan bhai~

#2 This type of friend yang pentingkan reputasi dia kat mata lelaki.

IDK why tak pernah orang ever bring up issue ni.Maybe sebab sangkut sensitivity kot?Ha...ni dia Fynn si mulot capoi nak habaq p.Dah korang semua anggap aku ni tak bermaruah sangat,kan?

Reminisce balik,pernah tak kalau korang ada problem dengan boys,especially kalau boys yang famous. Ada kawan baik kau tu nak backing kau ke? Kalau tak dia suruh kau mengalah, dia diam je. Dengan anggapan,malas nak campur, nanti networking dia dengan guys tak smooth. Those girls yang depan lelaki bapak lah angel,sengih bak perempuan melayu terakhir,orang tu suruh tolong buat assignment pun tak kisah.Pergghhh.Hebat lah kau,lelaki!

#3 The friend who beat your ass without reason.

and this is jyeahhhh, P-R-E-C-I-O-U-S.LOL,okay I'm just fooling around,I'm not this pervert usually.Well,just to ease the tense.Tak perlu nak makan dalam sangatlah, kalau kau tak buat tak perlu sakit hati,kan?

and banyak lagi type tipikal kawan ni sebenarnya,and unfortunately I can't think of and tak dapat lah nak increase amount of haters lagi dah.That is why, ever since 17, I never believe in this thing you people go around assuming as if it was pure friendship. Because,at the end of the day, haha, you know what happen.

For those who happen to have friends who never left your side,always back you up, cheer you up, doesn't look down on you and talk behind your back, I fucking envy you.