Me graduating?

Rasa macam baru semalam je aku merungut sebab kena belajar dekat uitm ni. Fresh lagi rasa kesal sebab upu macam haram masa tu. Tup tup sekarang dah nak grad dah weh. Walaupun masih bersisa 2 sem lagi tapi this is hell of a burden lift off my right shoulder! Dulu masa part 1 kemain lagi aku impress senior senior dapat masuk LLB ni. Now that I'm here, beside from feeling thankful and relief I'm extremely exhausted!

Ever since high school, I'm an insomniac. Being able to sleep early is really miraculous to me. Then LLB came along and I can barely describe how the 1 a.m. night feels like. Worst of all, I didn't get to spend time with my friends as much as before. I didn't even have time to catch up with them. I'm busy and everything is so stressful now.

So meet my firm mates. These are the people I get to work with for the next 2 semester. May luck be upon us.

ANYWAY,first degree is basically done. Now let's triple the struggle yeah!Until next time :-*

To the moon and back.

I freaking love this guy.

So glad i met him,

so grateful he's mine to keep.

Graduating!

So, I've been away for a while now or more to hiatus come to think of it,but hey this is what happen when you got into law school and decided to run a blog (please laugh). ANYWAY, finally got my examination result for the last semester of BLS,people! I am now and forever beyond thankful to Allah the Almighty for passing all the papers and somehow qualify myself to wrap up this whole BLS thingy. Although orang tengah sibuk kerah keringat siang malam study aku sempat pulak bercinta masa final exam haritu, lepas jugak Alhamdulillah. Dan memang gpa semester ni memang tahap peh fuh brrr dayyuuum punya. Nevertheless, aku redha la since usaha pun macam apa kan.

So, second class upper for BACHELOR OF LEGAL STUDIES (HONS). Soon.

p/s Don't go to law school. You've been warned.

Took a peek on the lucky side.

So yesterday I went out with this one guy. First we went for lunch to discuss about what happen on the night before. Ha, yes pingu about what you did! I am so mad that he didn't even want to get mad at you. and he said, point delivered,you're forgiven but next time do it nicely.

In the evening,we took a stroll in the park. We talk and talk,then he he said he wanted to get something from his car. Not gonna lie, I kinda expecting this so when he turned out with his guitar behind his back, I'm like "Yes,finally!". 

Because some boy once promised me that he'll play guitar for,write a song for me but that was all bull crap.

Not this guy.

He did everything he said he would.

and that kinda captured my heart.

We've known each other for not less than a month, I am so scared and embarrassed that I feel as if I've known him for life.

I don't know whether it is possible or does we even allowed to like someone in that short of a time. People keep telling me to take it slow,which is a point that we both had agreed upon but there's this sick curiosity which makes me feel eager to get to know him more,quickly and for every little time.

I pray to God if he isn't the one made for me, make it hurt less for me when the end comes knocking because getting over someone like him won't be easy at all.

So,I've been waiting for 22 years...

Going in and out of bad relationships, I started to lose faith in having any anymore.
Until a few days ago,I met a man.
A man whom I just met.
We when out twice but it feels like I've known him for years,
we connect, there's chemistry
and for the first time ever I can be myself around a prospective lover.

He plays guitar,
He plays piano,
Had me smile upon seeing his face,
He's older,wiser,matured,gentleman
and better.
much better than any other guys who I've set my heart on before.
And if I ever had a list of qualities I'm looking for in a man,he'll be rich with ticks.
He's like my doa-guy literally fall out of the sky.

But why is it,all I can think of now is 'RUN'?
I think I'm so grateful and overwhelmed by his presence in my life
that I feel like if I stick around him much longer,
my heart gonna hurt like never before,
like my world will turn upside down,
because soon when I let my guard down, he'll flee.

I've been living Ted Mosby's life.

Step up our game.

Hello people, how's it hanging yo?May peace be upon you ;) *tiru gaya anwaq hadi*

So,here's my post result ritual. I like to do this you know, it's like my personal evaluation on my performance for previous semester and at the same time,patting myself or maybe some others on the back. Okay, so truth be told, before my result was out I kind of tell myself that if my result still have no improvement, bad as usual I would reconsider law school. I'm sure a lot of law students could relate to this. Yelah, stay up all night long even sometimes tak tidur semata nak salin balik apa yg dalam text book into our own notes, ulang alik ke library sampai pagi buta, even nak keluar lepak dengan kawan pun susah tapi tengok result exam, sama je teruk macam selalu. At some point, we start to think is it me? Law ni memang bukan untuk aku ke sebab no matter how much I tried it ain't working. And for me, it started since semester 3. So, when my cgpa dropped down alley during semester 4, I said to myself "I'm gonna work my ass off, let go of everything that weighing me down and be selfish. I'll sacrifice like I never did before and if my result still the same,I'll quit law school." 

It took every courage in me to open the email sent by uitm that 15 February night. Menggeletar tangan toksah habaq la weh. First thing, terus pandang bahagian kanan sekali. LULUS semua,Alhamdulillah. Next up is pointer, masa tu memang teringat satu ayat yg kerap Allah ulang dalam surah Ar Rahman, "Maka nikmat Allah yang manakah kamu dustakan.". Alhamdulillah Allah bantu *nangis*

I didn't get dean list anyway. But it's a close call but doesn't matter, pointer never really matters to me. You can't never measure someone's effort, rezeki or intelligence based on pointers. My point is, there's a lot of improvement in my result. Almost 0.1 away from my dream. Tak reti nak gambarkan rasa bersyukur tu macam mana,sungguh. Nampak betapa luasnya kuasa Allah tu, rasa malu sangat dengan diri sendir sebab pernah meragui janji yang Maha Esa. 

To those who are like me,remember what I said? Never give up. As what Madam Nazida once said to my friend, "Hard work always pays". My tips, if you want success you need to act like you want it. If you think you've work hard enough,you don't. Before this semester, that is all what I've been thinking of. I've work hard enough, what's wrong, why it didn't works lah segala blaming fate and all. Turns out I really don't work hard enough. I think I've revised well but I only study hard during study week. Do some extra revision guys, not only during study week, it will help,trust me. Secondly, look up at your dean list friends. Be close to them, try to follow their way of life. Not only study style, lifestyle. Then take from them yang suit you, and improvise. Then, extra activities or social life. Adjust them to fix your capabilities. Me myself, I'm weak in my study and I can't really focus on different things at the same time. I've try everything I want, so last semester I set my mind up to focus only on my study. I left sclc(my club) and it left big impact on my life afterwards, people talks but you gotta do what you gotta do. Also, it might be the best if you can put relationship on pause too. I got rid of my weak spot the hard way not long ago. Berat jugak nak lepas this one rare guy who got my attention and my heart go but I can't afford that.Not now. And remember, it's not only about memorizing and excel the paper. Learn to love what you're studying. I got a solid A for that. Last but not least, the priority is, let's always return to Islam, keep Allah close to you. Afterall Allah is the one who answer our prayer,didn't He? and never doubt His generousity towards His slave. 

Some might wonder why I took this whole study thing so seriously. The answer is, my mum. You could only imagine what she been through to raise her kids, I want my success to be her's. Praise be to Allah, I made it this far I'm not gonna back down now. 

Who am I.

I believed religion teach me to treat other people nicely lillahita'ala. For the sake of Allah, not for the sake of people are going to do the same to you too. Remember that story about our beloved Prophet Muhammad pbuh where his neighbor an old lady who hated him so much? She hated Rasulullah and even dump her trashes at his door once and that I believed is only one of numerous bad things she ever done to him. Then the old lady fall sick. In this case, if we had someone who gets on our nerves every now and then watching him/her at their weakest point is some sort of delight isn't it? Like "Take that madafakaa". Ok wait, maybe like "See, that is what happen when you're messing with me,old lady". Deny it as much as you want but that's us. We love to see other people get their part. But not our Prophet. When the old lady fall sick he cook for her. He made her soup and even visit her and pray so she'd get better. That's how we roll in Islam,people. 

Ethics, adat or whatever you call it, teach us to be good to others so they'd be good to us. But what happen when we are so nice to them but they throw brick back at us? What happen when you treat a person so nicely but he/she end up disregarding all your kindness like "Yo b, you ain't do nothing for me,I'm the one who do everything for me". and what happen if you treat every one of your friends with vvip treatment but you end up getting i don't know, economic class ticket? 

22 years on this planet I went through almost every situations I've mentioned above. Whenever it happens, I feel sad,hurt and disappointed. I mean, don't you? We abide the social code, we try to be mr nice all the time and we even make sacrifices but when it's your turn to receive you just sit there like a potato. You feel like you deserve better. And for some like me, we'll feel like we're not enough. Like people don't think you're good enough, you don't have that personality to make people stick around or even be fond of you and I started to think "If you help someone who's in trouble he/she will remember you, when they're in trouble again.".

I was contemplating on how to react. Should I stop being nice or should I stop to care and be selfish because at least I don't have to expect people to appreciate me? or Should I remind myself of how the Prophet handled this and remember that everything that I long for is not exactly my purpose as a muslim? 

“Katakanlah: sesungguhnya sembahyangku, ibadatku, hidupku dan matiku hanyalah untuk Allah, Tuhan semesta alam. Tiada sekutu bagiNya; dan demikian itulah yang diperintahkan kepadaku dan aku adalah orang yang pertama-tama menyerahkan diri (kepada Allah)”. (QS. Al-An’aam: 162-163).

“Barangsiapa menghendaki kehidupan sekarang (duniawi), maka Kami segerakan baginya di dunia itu apa yang kami kehendaki bagi orang yang kami kehendaki dan Kami tentukan baginya neraka jahannam; ia akan memasukinya dalam keadaan tercela dan terusir. Dan barangsiapa yang menghendaki kehidupan akhirat dan berusaha ke arah itu dengan sungguh-sungguh sedang ia adalah mukmin, maka mereka itu adalah orang-orang yang usahanya dibalasi dengan baik.” (QS. Al-Israa’: 18-19)

Because I believed being evil is easy. Being nice is a a challenge. Someone so high like Rasulullah could be nice to people who hated him and even tried to kill him, who are we? Who am I? Let's from now onward pursue sincerity lillahitaala and doesn't matter if people don't see what you're willing to do for them because Allah see. 

Hasbunallah wa ni'mal wakil :')

Honk at king Kong for me!

It always had been my dream to travel around the world but I guess timing, willing partner(s) and money are by biggest constraints. However, Alhamdulillah one tiny opportunity popped out not long ago and I've said yes already. So, I've just receive the itinerary today. And yeah, I will be going to Hong Kong this September,InsyaAllah. My dream place to visit is definitely Europe but this is a start though. May everything goes well. Amin :)

Gay-est cake I ever make.

I know it's supposed to be coated but I ran out of cream cheese and icing sugar so...

My first rainbow cake.I like the texture tough.

Scratched that out of my to do list now :)

Birthday is overrated.

Last 19th January was my birthday and I decided not to make a big deal of it since it was at the end of my final exams period so everyone were so busy and occupied that I can't really get my hopes high in term of the celebration.Yeah. I even hide it from facebook because I see no point in being happy with all those expected wishes thanks to the Zukenberg's brain. So on that particular day, I was lucky enough to received some wishes from closed friends and a cake from dad. Um,it's pretty much the same compared to any other days, nothing special. So here is where my over-thinking brain cells come in action. I started to think to myself, what's exactly the point of celebrating birthdays?, are you obliged to get plenty of wishes from friends,pranks or some special outings, a glorious cake with your name on it, a party or such? and how about if you don't get any of these?why would you feel sad and down?. See what I mean? So here I've listed few situations that you and I could relate to.

A: " Shit it's 12 am, I need to send her a birthday wish right away! "

B: "You know guys,it's her birthday next week, what should we do?"

C: " *pandang jam* Mannn, I forgot her birthday.Nvm, I'm gonna pretend like I remember and wish her at  

     midnite and tell her I wanted to be the last. "

D: "*few days later* *text message received* *open* [Hey, did you wish her?] *yeap,you're fucked*"

E: "You know,we're not even close but hey happy birthday may god bless you i love you bla bla bla times infinity"

I once had a classmate in high school whom his family never celebrate his birthday,not for once for reason he won't tell me. So, we have this tradition nahh, more to like a practice that we'll buy a cake every month to celebrate our classmate who was born on that particular month. So when it's his month, we don't really do much just simple gathering in the class during prep malam with snacks and drinks and of course we sang the song to him and some others I can't remember.But he was happy that night.

The whole point of celebrating someone's birthday is to remind him/her that he/she is somewhat important and that his/her existence is cherish. Everybody knows that and I bet that's why when someone close to us forgot our birthday we get upset and feels as if we were let down. 

I remember not long ago when one of my housemate's birthday is coming, I get all excited so I planned the whole surprise thing with some help from my other housemates. We keep it a secret because that's the point of surprises,right? We bought cupcakes, eggs and even a gift. Idk, I just always have this urge to make someone feel special,remembered and love on their special day especially good and close friends. So when my birthday come, I had hopes which I shouldn't because I know I will be let down. I appreciate that they bought a cake for me just the fact that they had me drive to the shop and even borrowed my membership card and afterward still trying to hide it from me which is ridiculously impossible since I'm the driver so jyeahh. Despite the unexplained feeling I pretend like I didn't know till the clock struck twelve. I know I should be grateful that they're willing to do all that for me but despite it all, I was let down. Why? Because for me, if I really matters to them or if I am somewhat important to them they'll be willing to do more not just here's your cake,happy birthday,and we're done attitude. That lead me into thinking, no matter what I do, I'll never be good enough for anybody to appreciate me that high and I am proven to be not that significant.

On behalf of the people who never get to celebrate their close friends' birthday just to make sure they know that they matter and on behalf of people who forgot to send out birthday wishes to people who are important to them, I would like to apologize. Because me myself can't promise that I can be the perfect friend who remembers and has the ability of a fairy. Sometimes I have problems like family stuffs, money, time or distance so I failed to make you feel special and reminds you of how important you are to me. But from time to time I try to improvise, give out a redeem tickets or a privilege to forget my birthday in case I did forgot. And this year, one of my bestfriends seriously using that privilege so haha on me. 

Among the best of my birthday moments was this one time in high school. I sleep early with a heavy heart that night because I know nothing special is gonna happen. But I was awake to a group of shadow people singing the happy birthday song to me and handing me something soft in heart shape. I was surprised and that probably was the most decent birthday I've ever had. And one more during my foundation, when I actually give up on the whole idea of celebrating my birthday but the two of my sidekicks with their party spray can once again lighten up my world. I once again matter to some people. 

January 19,2013 I was at home not really feeling well, my cake melted and I have to put it back in the fridge myself and wait, cut my hair short which I regret a lot and I'm old and boyfriend-less. Thanks for all the wishes but no I didn't have a blast.

My 22nd sucks a big time.Not so happy birthday to me~ 

Mika, please come back.

This is Mika,my favourite pet ever.

In fact, when I look into his eyes, I've never see him as a pet, I see him as a friend.My best friend. 2 nights ago, I decided to take a short nap and let him sleep in my comforter. Oh did I mention he loves being in there? Once I tuck him in there, he'll stretched his legs out and sleep. He hated his aquarium, so that's why I always take him out of it and only put him back when I'm away or when I'm about to fall asleep. That curse night, I was just petting him and let him slide back in his comforter to sleep cuz immediately after, he seemed sound asleep. That's particularly why I didn't put him in his aquarium. Over 30 minutes later, I woke up only to find that I lost him for the second time and probably I have lost him forever.

I've search the entire house, my friends even help out but nothing. No sign of him or anything,gone. He vanished just like that.As if somebody has kidnap him or something. It has been 3 dreadful days. I'm also running out of tears and what worse is I have a killer paper to sit tomorrow. Prayed to God, done solat hajat, istikharah and everything but no luck. I realized that I shouldn't be too sad about this since everything on this earth belong to Allah and I mustn't get too attached but guess I love Mika a little bit too much now. 

I'm not sure whether to lose hope or keep on hoping that he'll come back but it's been 3 days, I'm scared he won't survive. Mika, please come back T_T