"Idk,I fall for the wrong people."

Same old shit.

Before this, I was okay though I keep on complaining every now and then about not having a boyfriend or keeping my single friends from getting into a relationship so they won't leave me forever alone. But I was okay. Kinda close to perfectly fine and  near to the corner of comfort. But the thing is I was okay. and to be able to say I was okay is priceless and now something somehow starting to bother me. If it was another girl, this is supposed to be all sweet and dovey-shit but I ain't another girl. My stupid insecurities, mad paranoia and every inch of my nebula-sized mess is going up against me. Even the slightest move can ruins everything. Absolutely everything. 

I always hate this part of me, the weak part of me. GOD,Fynn you're being such pain in the ass right now. Please please,you can stop reading by now. Because I had a vision that I'm about to blurt everything out like moron anytime soon. Excuse my insensitivity about having some privacy or whatever society tends to judge these days. I tried talking to friends but it's not working. Not that I don't trust them but me,constantly talking about this trying to find out what to do,how to do and everything just scared my sanity away. Their positive advises and sky-high motivation is not what I crave for. I want reality, I want support system that will tell me to stop and to give up that funny thing called hope. Or try make things right. or at least, lead my mind back to its old place. Where I believe, it belongs.

Maybe I'm just scared that for once there is actually people who wants to be with me. Scared that maybe there is actually someone who would love me. Because the idea of someone liking me is too scary that I came out with billions of mind-killing excuses in order to walk away. I over analyze things too much. I'm just afraid to let my guard down. I can't because once I rest my shield, he'll leave. People always leave.

I need more. I need him to prove me trust. and determination. which I can say,too vague at the moment. 

Chin up,beautiful souls :)

Eversince I can remember, a lot of people has called me fat. Too many that I've lost count. and that doesn't exclude some close friends of mine. Yes, that makes me sad and NO I'm not gonna smack them on the head. 

I don't think that will solve their mental issues.

YOU, who constantly calling me fat, this is me being FAT.

and this is the actual me.

I might not have a skinny model-like figure or cheek bone,

but a reasonable man would know the different.

but then of course, retarded mean hearted people wouldn't get it.

It's alright :)

 For those people who had been called fat,ugly and million other horrible names by your own friends or strangers or whoever, stop being sad. Don't let those people affect your life. Instead,be glad because you, the most horrible person to their eyes never do most horrible things like them. Be proud because we don't need to use mean words to bring people down just to feel better about ourselves. Smile and chin up because our flaws are what make us different.

Fynn+Memalukan diri = Fynn

So,here's the thing. Haritu aku attended this one freaking boring event(formal,that's why) organized by Unimap. and I happen to have a friend studying there. and silly me, I thought it's such a good idea to let him know,

and then,one subject led to another~

Alright,the next comment from me did make me sounds pretty much like those gedix girls but, swear to God, 

I AM NOT.

what people can't see is, not too long after,this Azeril pm me and give me the guy's fb profile. and he keeps on praising him,cakap lucky me sebab dia dah kerja dgn unimap,etc etc

and then I said,

"LOL,aku suka tengok je.bukan ape pun~"

and then walk away.tak add pon,even.

but too bad, next thing I know,

and if you guys tak nampak lagi, here you go.

Busted,man!

Nice.

Dua hari tak online,pagi tadi lepas sahur, tersengih sorang aku.lol

and that's that.

Aku gila pelik ramai pulak strangers dekat wallpost tu.

sila observe mahlok mahloks yang like tu.

 Haha.For the first time ever, I'm glad aku budak uitm.

or else, dah jadi bahan dah :D

Oh btw,

*sinful giggles*

I'm a fan,that's all~

p.s. jangan cari pasal post benda tak sememeh kat wall aku pasal ni.

This is what guys' sleepover looks like.

It's supposed to be wordless but girls need some explanation,bruh.

dudes checkin out girls on the computer,
niggas playin xbox,
that one guys that taken,
and a dude who just feels like singing.

3 reasons to be jelly of me!

Hari ni shopping raya.tadda~

Went to Jitra Mall,Kedah.

Supposed to buy 2 pasang but end up with only 1.

Heh.the banyak songeh me. 

On my defense, semua sepesen and a bit too pricey for something that is to be worn once. 

Teehee.

I superstitiously believe that it's bad luck to reveal the whole baju,but hey!

I guess, a sneak peek wouldn't hurt?

the theme is freaking YELL-LOW this year,so don't be so hard on me.

Plus,it's freaking big in size. Anyone know a good place(in perlis) where I can fix this,please please do recommend.

And claro ce sie, my aim, my hardwork, my gaji and my newborn baby,

Hands off!Hahaha.No, seriously.

Nahhh,it's not galaxy SII, it's Ace.but it's alright though :3

I'm a happy girl now.

No longer forever alone ^^

and, cross this out from the wishlist right away!

Then I bought something else, not for raya,not for something special.Oh well, I just did.HAHA

and my mum was anxious.

"Along, you've got too many shoes already. It's time to stop this habit of yours~"

Em..no can't do.

My stomach hurts from laughing too much.

Owls confirmed for creepiest birds ever. 

Just look at those bastards!!! If you fail to notice the fucker swallowing a rat like a champ then there’s the dude singing some satanic song or something and the other two fuckers synchronized to make you feel the creeps with their soulless dance of doom.

My favorite birds ever!

Wordless Wednesday: Dear earthlings.

Your childhood enemy.

Unfriend.

I miss a friendship I had with multiple someone but I donʻt think it can ever be how it used to. This is probably not the best solution but it's all I can think of. I'm trying not to blame it all on you people, maybe it was me. Maybe I am the bad friend and maybe I'm the one who had change. But hey, whatever. I'm tired of being the friend who does everything for other people, but when I need you, you're not there for me. I guess, I just care too much for people who don't care at all about me. 

You've finally got a boyfriend,fine.I'm jealous yes, but I'm happy though for you. I try not to go around you too much saying, 'hey wanna hang?' or texting you all days,nights,weekend just trying to find a shoulder to cry to,no I don't. I hate to be that kind of friend who suffocates and clingy. People don't like that,I know. But, once in a while, when I texted you, call or anything I would expect a little more nicer respond than hours of time taken for a reply and your snob I-got-a-boy-and-you-don't-so-get-lost-attitude, old friend. Personally for me, a reply text messages really means a lot to me. Because, if I don't get one back from you, I thought you're dead.

And when I got your back,I kind of imagine the scene in X-men Origin where wolverine and his bro were doing back to back. You know, I got yours, you got mine? My bad, I watch movies too much. Hence, I tend to take life seriously. When, something is going my way instead of yours, if you could see the expression you had, I swear you'd go "Mother of..Did I look like this all day?" Rewind.That time what did I do? Did I do hula in front of you saying, 'bitch, why serious?' and left? or did I just ignore you and said, 'fuck it'. I had this thing in me, hopelessly faithful. That, I would like to change. Because, now when I'm on a windy road, you just laugh on my sadness and ignore. So much for a friend.

and, when a friend trying to pick a fight with  me just because of a lame, duniawi kpop group who depends on looks,have zero abs, and stereotyping my course like a complete asshole,

'nigga, you can kiss my ass'.

It hurts me to write these bad things,that is why unfriend is the ultimate option. No worries, I will forever make you vague and anon. I love you, and having you as friends is beyond amazing, but at the moment, you're being the pain in my ass. When you've finally brokenhearted, got stab in the back or old enough to be called mature, you know where to find me,ya.

The Mean Manager.

Twice,I had a job and guess what I learn? 

If you wanna be a very good worker,you gotta be a very good ass-licker.

I don't know what else to write regarding the tittle. It simply sum up everything I wanna say. I happened to work at a place which own a motherfucker freaking bitch as a manager whom everyone(almost) loathe and talk about everyday. I don't want to be racist or anything but, my chinese boss was never anything like this one. Always torture people, work unprofessionally, pasang spy like fucking paranoia, always outing at working hours and when she does come back, screaming at people to do their jobs while she's the one who never had. Making people cry, feeling like shit, talking low of others, pick up on a weaker man, stereotyping people with degree, do bad things to others and then saying things like, "yang ni lah kau nak rindu nanti". 

"Really,bitch? you think so?REALLY?"

Here's the thing, last night marked twice I cried because of this biatch.

A week ago, I sent my application for a 3 days leave. I don't really expect for it to be granted by the head quarter,never. But I must be that lucky, I got it. Since yesterday is the last day I'm working before the leave, she had me doing every tough tasks and said : "hang kan nak cuti,kenalah buli sikit!"

Damn bitch, acted as if it was my last freaking day. First, suruh aku jaga department lain since short staff, dah tu suruh aku handle department yang bukan bawah aku, which is department yang memang dari dulu lelaki yang handle.FUCK. Those customers yang saw me sweating like a pig angkat carpet and such pun tanya why diorang tak letak lelaki jaga department ni? Then she told me to do cashier thing even orang lain dah check in masuk. Then screaming around calling "Fina!!" buat ni, buat tu, buat tu lagi. Even dah malam, kena sapu sampah, buat notis just because nak perli aku sorang je! Dah tu, even nak tutup still cari mistake aku macam ci to the bai weh! Last night I cried so hard, put Taylor Swift's "Mean" on repeat and I think to myself, 

someday I'll be living in a big old city,and you're ever gonna be is mean. and pathetic, and a liar and alone in life, a mean. :)

Oh well, be ready to accept my resignation letter pretty soon, asshole.

Not bersih enough.

First, no political shit needed here,gracias. And if I were to join the assembly, I would dress up as Spongebob.

Since  minggu lepas, asal aku jejak kaki kat Kangar je, memang bersepah publisiti graffiti tak jadi yang invite pergi bersih dekat dinding-dinding bangunan. Al maklum lah, setiap hari balik pukul 9,tak sempat nak tengok berita. Pelik, ribu ribu orang kumpul, habis takde dana nak buat banner ke flyers ke ape? Rasuah tak boleh, vandalism takpe. ANYWAY, malas nak campur urusan majlis pembandaran.

Then, dekat tempat kerja, ramai pulak datang cari baju kuning kosong. Okai, ini memang I stepped on a dogshit lah since aku penunggu men's department. 

"Adik, baju kuning kosong ada tak? Pak cik nak beli, nak cop pergi bersih"

"Gotong-royong bersih apa,pak cik?"

"Eh bukan,nak p KL nuh. Pakcik nak berhimpun, nama kumpulan tu bersih.."

"Eh,bukan haram ke,perhimpunan tu pak cik?"

Okai,aku admit memang kepoyo-an law student aku membuak-buak nak keluar time tu. Nak bertekak pasal Article 10 segala~

"Baju murah pun takpe dik,size besaq ada dok?"

"Pak cik,awat depa tak settle cara formal,cara elok?bukan ada prosedur ka nak buat undang-undang semua tu?"

"Memang la.tapi benda ni,nak bawa masuk parlimen pun tak lepaih."

"Awat tak lepaih?kira kalau tak lepaih tu,ada yang tak kena la tu kan?"

Then he gave me the stop-asking-me-questions-cuz-i-don't know-what-to-say look.

"...p kl jauh-juah perabih duet,silap hari bulan lokap~"

"apadia,dik?"

"Dok,ni try tengok baju ni,elok boleh pakai kap~"

2-3 hari lepas tu,ada lagi 2 orang pak cik datang cari baju kuning 10 helai.

"Pak cik beli banyak buat pa,pak cik?"

"Dok,nak bawak orang kampong p main dart nuhhh"

orang kampong punya team dart.cayalah!

Yahhh,I'm that stupid. Lepas dengar those pak cik explain kenapa diorang sampai buat pakatan segala, I was like, okay,it's a good agenda. Niat baik,of course, tapi cara tu sonsang sikit kot? I mean, ok memang havoc boleh kumpul ramai-ramai, terpekik terlolong, keluar masuk lokap, polis buat roadblock sana sini, perabih duit,masa,tenaga,gas pemedih mata, mengadap sultan, blog entries, conteng conteng dinding, baju sepesen, menipu salesgirls, memang something lah! At least nampak lah maksud warna biru dekat jalur gemilang tu memang terterap dalam jiwa rakyat.Great. 

in the end?

kecoh.which is cool cus riot is so ma thang,ya naw?

racism.which if you can't tell,BAD.

Conflicts. Kebetulan je nick pengkomen tu 'setan'

Personally, aku tengok yang pergi that assembly bukan nak sokong agenda tapi mostly rebellious kiddos macam aku yang perak tak pernah kena kejar dek polisi and clean freaks. No offence,aku cakap mostly. Entah lah,aku tak nak blame pembersih se Malaysia neither nak jadi pro kerajaan. Sebab kalau aku keluar ilmu ciput yang aku belajar,nanti orang cakap poyo budak law emo,kalau sokong bersih rasa macam something's wrong. So, like usual, aku New Zealand for good. Otak ada, kita fikirlah sendiri.Pakai otak,bukan hati,yaw!

p.s. whatever usul yang pembersih perjuangkan tu,harap dapat masuk parlimen lah lepas ni,eh?At least berbaloi tiket bus pergi kl tu~

I'm bold.

1. had a pet.

 2. bought condoms

3. gotten pregnant.

4. failed a class.

5. kissed a boy

6. kissed a girl

7. used a little paper bag for lunch.

8. had a job.

9. slipped on ice.

10. missed the school bus.

11. left the house without my wallet.

12. bullied someone on the internet 

13. sexted.

14. had sex in public

15. played on a sports team.

16. smoked weed

17. smoked cigarettes

18. smoked a cigar.

19. drank alcohol.

20. watched “The Breakfast Club”

21. been overweight. 

22. been underweight.

23. had an eating disorder. 

24. been to a wedding.

25. made fun of someone for being fat 

26. been on the computer for 5 hours straight.(or more rather)

27. watched tv for 5 hours straight.

28. been late for school.

29. been late for work

30. kissed in the rain

31. showered with someone else. 

32. failed my drivers test.

33. ran a km in less than five minutes

34. been outside my home country.

35. been on a road trip longer than 5 hours.

36. had lice. 

37. gotten fired 

38. had a credit card.

39. been to a professional sports game.

40. broken a bone.

41. been unhappy about my weight.

42. won a trophy.

43. cut myself. 

44. had an STD.

45. got engaged.

46. been on a diet.

47. tried out to be on a tv show. 

48. rode in a taxi.

49. been to prom.

50. played a drinking game.

51. Stayed up for 24 hours or more.

52. been to a concert 

53. had a three-some.

54. had a crush on someone of the same sex.

55. been in a car accident.

56. had braces.

57. learned another language 

58. killed an animal. 

59. been at a yard sale.

60. been to a japanese steakhouse.

61. wore make up. 

62. skipped school

63. been a vampire for halloween

64. had my wisdom teeth taken out.  

65. kissed someone a different race than myself.

66. snuck out of the house

67. bought porn.

68. had a virus on my computer.

69. had oral sex.

70. dyed my hair.

71. gone skinny dipping.

72. graduated from college. 

73. wore someone else’s clothes.

74. voted in a presidential election.

75. rode in an ambulance.

76. rode in a helicopter.

77. caught the stove on fire.

78. got in a fight.

79. met someone famous. 

80. been on vacation.

81. been on an airplane.

82. been on a boat.

83. broken something expensive.

84. had surgery.

85. kissed someone before I was 14.

86. beat a video game.

87. found something valuable on the ground.

88. made a survey

89. stalked someone on facebook/myspace. 

90. prank called someone.

91. been to a library outside of school.

92. spent over $100 shopping in one day. 

93. cut my hair and hated it.

94. peed outside.

95. went fishing.

96. helped with charity.

97. taken a pregnancy test.

98. been rejected by a crush

99. been suspended from school

100. broken a mirror.

Cry baby cry.

Wordless Wednesday #1

This job.

This job, it makes me happy.

It makes me laugh.hard.

It makes me curse, getting mad, throw clothes all over the floor.

It EAT my legs!

I just love my job.

and I'm most definitely looking forward to payday.

Co workers,i just love them all.xx

The result sucks.

Specially dedicated for those who's eager 'till it itch to know my friggin' result for the passed semester.

I could never have done this without you.

Thank you, thank you.

Well, you probably can tell from the tittle.Yes,I bet it sucks and I guess I own the trophy now. Look at me,look at me, ranting about the same old thing again. That's right,tarik nafas lega sebab aku tak dapat DL lah, result tak cun mane, cuma tak repeat, itu saja.

Well. itu saja the only thing that hold me from the damn noose atm.

Bleughhh.I'm sick of these morons keeps on bragging at my face about their I-can-tell-people-my-result-cause-it's-gooooddd-and-in-return-you-should-tell-me-back-too result. You know what,this ain't high school no more,grow up girlfriends :) 

Anddd,on the other side of the whole thing. I'm glad I don't have to commit suicide for getting below 3 pointer. I know my mum will never let this go easy on me,that's alright I'm kinda used to it. Well, at least I have JPA at my back. They even sent me a letter to congratulate me on my 3.1 pointer marked as excellent achievement. a big juicy LOL.

Dan macam biasa, 

bahawasanya aku berjanji dan berikrar akan berusaha bersungguh-sungguh dan lebih lagi, bla bla bla...

(most of us can probably memorize this already.smirk)

I did some extra effort, it didn't shows this time. The End. Oh yes! that's it. This is not the end.

Today is payday!

Today dapat gaji for passed 5 days.

Weeee!

I'm now a cashier in training.phewww

First time?

SUCKS.

but perfect,no short nor plus in money.

yay me!

Second day?

I'm getting there.

Stock baru sampai.fuuuuuuuu!

banyak lah banyak!

cashier thingy?

short rm3.

DAMN.

Oh tadi,

Pak cik : Adik,tak boleh bagi diskaun ke? Anak pak cik nk kahwin ni pakai nak dekat rm10 000 dah..

Me: kalau kedai saya,saya sponsor terus.haha

Pak Cik: Kamu kahwin tak lagi?

Me:Saya baru 20,pak cik.Lagi 7 tahun kot?

Pak cik: Sama lah macam anak pak cik paling kecik.20,baru habis belajaq.

Me: Oh ok lah tu.

Pak Cik: Nak jadi menantu pak cik? Anak pak cik siap ada satria neo lagi tu~

Me: Huh?

Pak Cik: *panggil pak cik lagi sorang* cuba tengok ni,ok tak kalau dgn *****?

BADASS,pak cik. 

BADASS

Cause it sucks to be me right now.

Kampung gila weh!

People label other people 'kampung' for they might be old fashioned and such.

For me, the word 'kampung' suits much the people who's being very immature despite their golden age,

gigantic ego,

and just deaf.

Deaf as in they hear, but they never listen.

Irrelevant?

Oh well,

it is THAT hard to get.

and yes,

I'm THIS complicated.

First day,second job.

Stalkers,you don't wanna miss this.

I'm so effing tired right now that I even failed to type the F bomb properly.Jyeahh. It's almost 3a.m.
still tomorrow it's gonna be my second day.Together with Jiha,my best bud.
You know what, I'm not gonna whine about how tiresome my job is, no I won't even let you know how many damn hours I have to stand on this weak legs of mine. I believe you guys had enough of all those cliche I-got-the-damn-job-under-control-though-I-my-life's-on-the-line-on-my-first-day-as-a-tempt. Neowww,I won't.

Just fyi, yet again, I'm doing the salesgirl thingy so proudly. The payroll is not much. But it's sure is enough,yep. The job is torturing the hell out of my life. And I'm still going tomorrow. One, because I've been put under the 'Men's Department'. I was like 'bleugh' at first but little that I know, I'll be handling the heaven side of the store.

*slutty evil laugh*

I loved being a salesgirl. It made me feel that I'm somehow matter, that people appreciate me for my helps, my attention, my sacrifices and such. I'm so feelingless right now that it is real hard to describe.shit. I've been writing a one whole paragraph back then.shesssh.maybe later.

I'm gonna drive a stick tomorrow. God save me @_@'


Readers,do me a favor now will you?If you like my post but won't click the like button, that's okay. Even if you comment behind my back but never leave a single written comment, I can live with that. You don't even want to follow me via fb, it's alright. But screw the 'i write to express' shit. I write so you might wanna help out this lousy writer by clicking my nuffnang's iklan once in while,you know~ Not that I'm shamelessly asking you to but hey, I didn't set those up just for a stare subject. Ah, offence not taken,right? :)

Rants:That time of the month.

If you know me best, you know that I'm like D most sensitive person ever. Even the littlest thing can hurts my feeling. I'm aware of that but unfortunately some people don't. And of course, they're making up my personality based on my look again and again. Instead of getting to know me deeper, they chose the shortcut by thinking or assuming the way I should be. Do you get me? Let me give you an example.

If I were to be conflicting with one of my friend and that stupid jerk bad mouthing me behind my back and people seems to believe them and then come up to me demanding for explanation, giving me the society's judgment and such,

A) people who really knows me will back me up and punch that bitch in the face,instead.
B)people who thinks they know me that well, will give a so-so pat in the back and say, 'things like this  
    won't affect you lah.you're cold'

See?Not only B type of people not making me feel any better,they hurt me even more. and then,just like that my whole day is ruin. I wanted to blame myself to be all moody and fail to control my own emotions but I don't know? Because growing up, I learn that friends supposed to be comforting me not acting like they care.Not acting. Ever heard of action is louder than words?

Yes, I'm that sensitive. and no, never does I'm ashame of it. Just because I act tough, doesn't mean I like people to come around me kicking and punching my heart like that. Quit taking me for granted. When I decided to not giving any fuck to you, who do you label bad friend,who sunshine? One more thing,

do you realize when  I actually exist?

A) When you're in trouble.Since I helped you once,you seems to be remembering me. Just everytime
     you're in trouble.
B) When there's no one else.
C) When you need something from me. Strong example : CAR
D) When I got good grades for the test.

and I bet you don't wanna know when I need somebody but no one is around,right?I'm going to list them however,jyeahhh

A) When someone says something that hurts my feeling.
B) When I'm in need for some encouragement.
C) When a burst into silence in the middle of laughter,THAT means if you are really blur that you can't
     tell, someone had said something wrong. Which as a friend, common sense requires you to say
    sorry or at least ask me is there anything wrong. NOT assuming that somebody who is in my shoes
    don't like to be disturb during that time and decide not to care about me and pretend nothing ever
    happen.

You know what? Well, I'm sorry I'm not born with a manual.