First day,second job.

Stalkers,you don't wanna miss this.

I'm so effing tired right now that I even failed to type the F bomb properly.Jyeahh. It's almost 3a.m.
still tomorrow it's gonna be my second day.Together with Jiha,my best bud.
You know what, I'm not gonna whine about how tiresome my job is, no I won't even let you know how many damn hours I have to stand on this weak legs of mine. I believe you guys had enough of all those cliche I-got-the-damn-job-under-control-though-I-my-life's-on-the-line-on-my-first-day-as-a-tempt. Neowww,I won't.

Just fyi, yet again, I'm doing the salesgirl thingy so proudly. The payroll is not much. But it's sure is enough,yep. The job is torturing the hell out of my life. And I'm still going tomorrow. One, because I've been put under the 'Men's Department'. I was like 'bleugh' at first but little that I know, I'll be handling the heaven side of the store.

*slutty evil laugh*

I loved being a salesgirl. It made me feel that I'm somehow matter, that people appreciate me for my helps, my attention, my sacrifices and such. I'm so feelingless right now that it is real hard to describe.shit. I've been writing a one whole paragraph back then.shesssh.maybe later.

I'm gonna drive a stick tomorrow. God save me @_@'


Readers,do me a favor now will you?If you like my post but won't click the like button, that's okay. Even if you comment behind my back but never leave a single written comment, I can live with that. You don't even want to follow me via fb, it's alright. But screw the 'i write to express' shit. I write so you might wanna help out this lousy writer by clicking my nuffnang's iklan once in while,you know~ Not that I'm shamelessly asking you to but hey, I didn't set those up just for a stare subject. Ah, offence not taken,right? :)

Rants:That time of the month.

If you know me best, you know that I'm like D most sensitive person ever. Even the littlest thing can hurts my feeling. I'm aware of that but unfortunately some people don't. And of course, they're making up my personality based on my look again and again. Instead of getting to know me deeper, they chose the shortcut by thinking or assuming the way I should be. Do you get me? Let me give you an example.

If I were to be conflicting with one of my friend and that stupid jerk bad mouthing me behind my back and people seems to believe them and then come up to me demanding for explanation, giving me the society's judgment and such,

A) people who really knows me will back me up and punch that bitch in the face,instead.
B)people who thinks they know me that well, will give a so-so pat in the back and say, 'things like this  
    won't affect you lah.you're cold'

See?Not only B type of people not making me feel any better,they hurt me even more. and then,just like that my whole day is ruin. I wanted to blame myself to be all moody and fail to control my own emotions but I don't know? Because growing up, I learn that friends supposed to be comforting me not acting like they care.Not acting. Ever heard of action is louder than words?

Yes, I'm that sensitive. and no, never does I'm ashame of it. Just because I act tough, doesn't mean I like people to come around me kicking and punching my heart like that. Quit taking me for granted. When I decided to not giving any fuck to you, who do you label bad friend,who sunshine? One more thing,

do you realize when  I actually exist?

A) When you're in trouble.Since I helped you once,you seems to be remembering me. Just everytime
     you're in trouble.
B) When there's no one else.
C) When you need something from me. Strong example : CAR
D) When I got good grades for the test.

and I bet you don't wanna know when I need somebody but no one is around,right?I'm going to list them however,jyeahhh

A) When someone says something that hurts my feeling.
B) When I'm in need for some encouragement.
C) When a burst into silence in the middle of laughter,THAT means if you are really blur that you can't
     tell, someone had said something wrong. Which as a friend, common sense requires you to say
    sorry or at least ask me is there anything wrong. NOT assuming that somebody who is in my shoes
    don't like to be disturb during that time and decide not to care about me and pretend nothing ever
    happen.

You know what? Well, I'm sorry I'm not born with a manual.

You mean cake!

Truth is,

You don't know what you don't know.

Someday I'll be big enough so you can't hit me.

All you gonna be is mean,

and a liar,

and pathetic,

and alone in life

and mean.

One-sided jokes.

I guess these days,people joke around to much that they don't even think when they do anymore.  So,just like one-sided love, one-sided joke is equally painful to swallow.

The question is why? So,why do people love to hurts so much? What is it that you gain after making other people feel inferior to you? What's in for you that you would go that low and make fun out of other people's flaws,anyway?Please,please.

ENLIGHTEN me!

Me being in this fucked up society, didn't get me any further from this so called jokes either. I'm far, way far from the letter 'P' in perfect. I'm not flawless, I have less here and there. One of my shames would be my hideous unstructured teeth. or should I say, fangs?

You didn't see any,right? That's because I've been so insecure of how I look like whenever I smile. You probably think I made a big deal out of it but you don't know it has been the reason why I cover my mouth when I'm smiling in front of others, when I talk I have to control so it never shows, removing the ugly fang is even on the top list when I've become a millionaire someday.

Not so proud.

How can a person look most ugly when he/she smile? I never found out until I saw this sort of photos and worst come to worst, some people even make fun out of it.(I'm speaking this generally) I try to look at it positively,try to laugh at it like others do but I just can't. When people called me names like 'taring', 'ponti', 'tajam', 'gigi', or jokes like, 'cabut gigi kang', 'gigi kau tajam,takpelah', 'senyum bagi nampak gigi,weh!' it hurts. It cut like a razor blade just without the blood. The result? I have now become totally insecure with my own teeth. Like whenever I'm laughing in public, I stuck on the thought that I must not let anyone sees it. It'll be a shame, people will laugh at me because some other people had joked about it so it must be funny. I'm restricted to even laugh at my heart content. I've been brainwashed into thinking that I'm the ugliest girl in the world.

I'm not doing this post because im such a attention seeker,but this is something i had to do. I hope to stop people from making fun of others out of something they never wish to live with. To you, their flaws might be funny but to them and to me, it's not. It's indeed  tiring to live up to other people's expectation.It's the kind of tired that even sleep can't fix. Because you never know, what each laughter means. It could be that because it's hilarious but on several occasions, you are hurting people's feeling by highlighting that one thing they wish to delete.   

Insecure sucks.Much.

Mom Mom Mom!

Mamieta!

Happy Mothers' Day!

Now that I bought you a cake, will you please with cherry on top stop bising-bising about me having no boyfriend already?

I want to start all over.

Hence,the major changes on the blog!

Tarra~~

How you like it guys?I changed the url,the tittle,the header,the concept,everything. I'm maturing into twenty now and I don't wanna have a kiddo-like blog tailing me anymore.I know, this is not yet adult enough but at least, progress. Vital.

I first thought to delete all the posts of my foolishness so you people who just discovered this blog won't laugh at me while khatam-ing my blog in less than 1 night. But, come to think of it, this is me, my phase, this is how I grow upYeahhh,shit who am I kidding. I don't seem to have the heart to erase some great posts with lots of comments and I happen to be a human being and I can't look at 300+ post without wanting to throw up.

*groan*

I've been up all night to get this thing fix and worked. It's not much, it's not,but satisfying enough for me. Tha tha for now, I'm going to eat nasi lemak my mama made.nom nom :D

p.s.help me spread around the new url,I know I got lots of potential stalkers out there :3