2012 menandakan (kejap nak kira) masuk 4 tahun solid aku single *insert forced smiley face*. Meaning to say, lagi 2-3 bulan aku dah boleh buat sambutan genap 5 tahun.Hip hip hooray!
Tau apa yg paling sad when you are boyfriend-less? It's every time you meet new people and they decided to ask you about your non existence boyfriend and when you replied 'I don't have one,' they laugh in disbelief and accuse you of lying. Every time that happen I really really want to punch them in the face.I'm 21 you asshole, I don't keep my status a secret like a highschooler. Tau what is the next sad thing when you are boyfriend-less? It's when you gather with your best friends and everyone of them is in a relationship and they show you pictures, share relationship tips behind your back and even non stop texting or calling around you. That's like rubbing dirt on your wound. and those are just 40 percent of what I had to deal with everyday in my single life as a 21 years old.
Sampai at one point of my life, I started to think what is wrong with me? Sebab almost everyone at this age is already taken or at least have met someone they like or like them back but not me.Okay,this is not supposed to be a sad,pity seeking post but why the hell my eyes are all watery?
So I look at myself and come out with few reasoning. First, I think it was my face. But that could not be it since even someone uglier than me could score more than 1 boyfriends. and I manage to get some head turns sometimes and that shameless annoying 'phewwit' sounds. And I have someone said to my face that I'm pretty(this is not bragging its for making myself feel better). So,not it.
My problem is,when a guy like me I don't always like him back. Like this one guy I'm holding as baggage, named Mr M.He's alright,I guess?But the spark is not there.I know people say the sparks are just made up story and stupid but for me,the chemistry is everything. You could have a perfect guy standing before your eyes but when you both talk and there's no connection between you, sekaya mana, sekacak mana pun tak pandang punya.kan?
Another problem is, when I've finally found a guy who likes me and we got that sparks and all, at some point, he started to retreat. You can see that he obviously notice that you want him but keep you guessing and waiting. This kind of guy? if he isn't shy he is not a keeper. Why? While keeping you waiting, he actually surveying another girl in case he'll stumble upon someone who is better than you. and being a second choice or a paking spare part is not included in my tolerance kit.
I've watch my friends yang in relationships semua and I hate it what they've become. Ikut every words yg their boyfriend said, can't even berenggang to spend time with friends and being all cheesy all the time. Not to my interest. Well, I know those are pretty normal if you're head over heels over some dude but I can't afford that.I don't want to be that.
I remembered making doa to God not to meet me with my soulmate till I'm ready. Chances are, He heard me. At times, I wish I could undo the doa but most of the time I'm glad if it was really granted.Why?
Because I'm one of the foolish girls who would give everything when I'm in a relationship. Being with someone we love will make us better in every way like when you have a boyfriend you might do well in your study since you're always happy but not me. I'm the type of girl that if I'm in a relationship, I started to ignore everything, be bad at everything because all I could think of is that person. A love life would ruin the rest of my life. I guess there is people who was born to be alone. Because I have to choose. How could I sacrifice everything for unsure love? I can't.
"Nevermind, maybe you haven't met the one yet" is what I've been hearing setiap kali aku mengadu about not having one. Yes, tak salah alasan tu,but bagi aku if it's correct why aku tak feel better? Feel me,bruh? When you give an advice, you're suppose to include 'it's alright' feels to it and provide encouragement words plus some hope. See,simple.
So,I told myself it is something that is true and will happen.just not to me. Things will happen,but not to me. I set my standard to damn high because I strongly believe I worth that much and I won't ever settle for less,won't ever. Even if it's mean I have to live alone all my life,so be it.